Happy 50th Anniversary General Hospital!

So it's been a while since I've posted to this blog but in honor of GH's 50th anniversary, I've decided to post a guide on moving to Port Charles.  Enjoy :)

So you’ve decided to move to Port Charles. Here’s a list of 50 things you should know to make your move easier.

1.       Port Charles is a magical place you go to if you have a huge secret or a vendetta against someone.

2.       Everyone here is super attractive.  If you’re not? You will be by the time you arrive.

3.       No one dies.  They just go to Switzerland.

4.       Missing your loved one? Don’t worry; they’ll be back eventually, possibly with a different face.

5.       Odds are good you were switched at birth.

6.       Odds are also good you have an evil twin.

7.       Most of the time, you won’t know who your father is, even after countless paternity tests.

8.       Chances are, if you arrive in Port Charles with a family member, one of you will die almost immediately.

9.       The person you want to eavesdrop on will always speak loudly and clearly, especially if they have a secret.

10.   The person you want to eavesdrop on also has no peripheral vision so just hide a quarter of your body and you’ll be able to hear everything they say without them knowing.

11.   But make sure to leave half way through the conversation so you can misconstrue the point.

12.   Secrets will always come out eventually.

13.   Forget any medical knowledge you think you might know.  You’re wrong.

14.   You will always look good waking up first thing in the morning, after an accident, or lying in a hospital bed.

15.   You will most likely be very rich, but will hardly ever have to work.

16.   No matter your job, you will always have a fully decorated and spacious house or apartment.

17.   Between houses?  Just stay at the Metro Court, a luxury hotel anyone can afford.

18.   And if you do find yourself out of a job, there’s always someone in town that will offer you something – whether you’re qualified or not.

19.   In the meantime, Kelly’s always needs wait staff.

20.   Don’t start drinking. You will either become an alcoholic or end up in a bad one night stand.

21.   Be careful of those one night stands, ladies.  You will get pregnant.    *Pregnancy odds slightly higher if the father is a mobster.

22.   And don’t worry about the kids. There are plenty of nannies and never-seen relatives to look after them while you go out and have a good time.

23.   If you’re not married at least three times, you’re considered a spinster.

24.   You should also divorce and remarry the same person at least once.

25.   Ladies, none of your children should have the same father.  This is against the law.

26.   If you’re a surgeon, you’ll operate on everyone you know.

27.   Magazines, newspapers & and other tough and busy businesses can be run without running into any staff whatsoever. 

28.   Security is a bit lax in Port Charles. Need to see the CEO of a major firm?  Just walk in!

29.   The cops are also a bit thick.  If you want someone found, try asking a mobster.

30.   If you are a cop, you’ll probably be arresting most of your friends and probably family.

31.   If you’re an attorney, you’ll probably represent most of the town.

32.   Legal troubles?  No problem! You can get off on any charge by claiming insanity.

33.   An insanity claim will generally only get you a couple of psychiatric sessions and you’ll be free to terrorize the town within days.

34.    If you do land in the local loony bin, don’t worry: some technicality will have you back on the streets in no time.  If not, escaping is a cinch.

35.   Mental illness has a ten times higher rate of occurrence in Port Charles than the rest of the world.

36.   No other religions besides Christianity & Catholicism exist.

37.   You may find that if you were born in Port Charles or moved there when you were very young, the aging process is miraculously fast.  Before you know it, you’ll be a teenager.

38.   Driving always leads to a car accident.

39.   Parties last for days and usually involve at least one death.

40.   We also have several disasters a year: viruses, fires, hostage situations.  Chances are you’ll be involved in most of them.

41.   Hospital stays are short.  Recovery for major surgery should only be a few days at best and usually only require a small bandage on your head.  Our doctors are excellent! (And ridiculously good looking.)

42.   If they give you a prescription after your hospital stay, you’ll probably become addicted.  I wouldn’t risk it.  Breathe through the pain.

43.   Did your obstetrician tell you that you can’t have kids?  She was wrong.

44.   We are in upstate NY, but don’t worry – we rarely have the blizzards that cities like Albany, Utica and Buffalo get.  All through winter, have conversations outside in light jackets for long periods of time.

45.   Also, destinations such as Switzerland, Paris & New York City are only minutes away.

46.   Wanna blackmail someone?  It’s a sport here in Port Charles.  And everyone has got something to hide.

47.   And no matter how ridiculous your demands, they’ll do it.

48.   If you begin speaking about a long lost relative, they’ll show up in Port Charles within a week or two.

49.   If you’ve come to Port Charles just by chance not knowing who one or both of your parents are, chance are – they’re already here.

50.   If you do decide to leave our little town, “death” is likely your best option.  Don’t know how to fake your own death?  You’ll figure it out.  And everyone will believe it.

Sorry Folks!

I stopped recapping this show a couple of years ago because it just took a lot out of me.  But when I came back and saw how many hits this site still gets, I figured I owed everyone an explanation! Having a full time job is not conducive to recapping a show that airs for five hous a week.  Not only was I watching five hours a week, but it would take an extra five hours with the pausing and the editing...etc. I do want to have a life sometimes too. :)  If Television Without Pity was willing to give me a full time job as a General Hospital recapper, i'd be all over it....but I don't get paid for this!  I've thought about just posting a blog once in a while about my thoughts and I may do that in the future.

Anyway, a co-blogger and I have a new blog. We're doing a rewatch of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  If you're a fan of that show, please follow: http://oncemorewithextremeprejudice.blogspot.com/

It's caleld "Once More With Extreme Prejudice:  Two Scoobies return to Sunnydale"

Please note that this blog is VERY spoiler heavy.  It's not a good idea to read it if you haven't watched the series yet.!

July 2 2010

So today's the day.... who dies? Let's find out.

Sonny, Michael and Sam are sitting at Alexis' house. Molly comes in and metaphors the plot for today's episode. All about a rat going through a maze. Sam thinks it sounds fun, Michael looks contemplative, Sonny looks amused but probably has no idea what's going on. Science? What? Michael says it reminds him of Pentonville. Sonny assures him that he doesn't have to worry about that anymore. Alexis comes in from the kitchen and Sonny wonders why Kristina isn't joining them.

Olivia and Johnny reunite their love with wine. Olivia thinks that she's convinced Sonny that Johnny and Kristina are sleeping together. But no one can convince Sonny of anything. Johnny wants Olivia to stay out of it. He thinks and hopes that Ethan convinced Kristina to drop the whole thing. If he wants this whole thing dropped, then what was he doing yesterday (earlier) goading Sonny at his restaurant? Ding Dong. It's Kristina.

Max supervises car-bomb guy who tells Max that the bomb will work just fine.

Spinelli hasn't found Franco but he tells Jason he's found someone who may know where he is: his mom.

Outside Harbourview Towers, Dante holds a gun on someone whom we're meant to believe is Franco. The guy runs and Dante runs after him.

Credits: Lisa/Steve day.

Patrick and Lisa are drinking at the Metro-Court. His eyes are closed for some reason. It's a game! He has to figure out what it is. SideCar. Kinda dangerous to drink with someone you almost slept with and cheated on your wife with while....drinking...the other day. They toast to Shirley's surgery.

Mode Lite! Maxie and Lulu talk shop when a hotel employee comes in with roses for Maxie. Lulu wants to set "James" up with Brook Lynn. Maxie wonders if the flowers are from Matt but dismisses the idea because Matt's ego would make sure Maxie knew the roses are from him. Lulu wonders if the roses could be from Maxie's actual boyfriend.

Spinelli says Franco and his mom are from Brooklyn. He says the street names and Jason immediately knows that the neighborhood is Bensonhurst. How the hell does he know that? Has he even been to Brooklyn? Just in case you were wondering. More info: Spinelli doesn't think they have any contact. So...why are we wasting time? She now lives in Woodstock, NY (upstate)....but how close is that to Port Charles? I still don't know exactly where Port Charles is supposed to be. It doesn't really make sense. It's supposed to be a major dock town...but upstate New York is landlocked... The only major port would be on Lake Ontario (or Erie)? which would make it way too far from NYC, which they seem to be close to. At one point, Jason rode a motorcycle to Montauk which is at the tip of Long island. Just driving from NYC to Montaulk would take 2-3 hours....factor in how long it would take to get to Buffalo/Rochester etc.......that's like a 10-12 hour motorcycle ride. *Shrug* I've spent too much time thinking about it. Side note: Did you know Port Charles used to be on Long Island? I have no idea when or why they moved it to upstate NY.

Anyway....Dante catches his bandit but it's just some scared homeless guy.

Alexis tells Sonny about Kristina's fake SAT prep course. He gets a bit nervous that everything's not going to plan. Shocker! Molly takes Michael to the kitchen and Sam leaves to go work on a case since dinner will be delayed. Sonny continues to get nervous. He wants to go pick her up but Alexis tells her to sit and relax. Can't relax! Car bomb!

Olivia tries to be a sorta mom to Kristina trying to get her to back down from these lies. She tells Kristina that Sonny knows it's a big lie (he doesn't). Kristina gets on her high horse again about Olivia lying to protect Sonny. Johnny asks Olivia to leave him and Kristina alone for a minute so they can sort things out.

Lisa tells a terrible joke and they talk about the necessity of ego as a surgeon. And it's just them getting drunk to screw and just get on with it.

Back at the hospital, Elizabeth watches over Shirley when Nikolas enters. She thanks him for paying for the surgery and apologizes for taking him for granted.

Alexis calms Sonny down about what she thinks he's anxious about instead of what he's actually anxious about.

Outside the towers, Ronnie and Dante argue about Jason's intentions. Dante tells Ronnie about the homeless guy he thought was Franco. Ronnie doesn't get the whole "use a killer to catch a killer" way of police work. Um...didn't you see Silence of the Lambs? Ronnie also thinks that Jason and Spinelli are upstairs right now planning his escape.

Spinelli asks Jason if his feelings for Dante have changed since he got Michael out of prison. Nope. They haven't. He hates Dante! But he has to work with him! Jason and Dante: The next buddy cop movie!

Maxie doesn't think the flowers were from Spinelli. James comes back with more roses! She still thinks it's from Matt and Lulu suspects that Maxie is just into Matt. Enter Matt. And the roses aren't from him.

Dante comes back to Jason's apartment and tells him about the homeless man in front of the building. Jason tells Dante about Franco's mom. Dante is surprised that Interpol can't find this woman but Spinelli can. I'm surprised too...and so don't believe it. Spinelli says not to ask how...just to accept. Thanks Spinelli-san.

Sonny and Alexis sort of meet on common ground about letting Kristina figure this Johnny thing out for herself...except for the fact that he's a big fat liar. He gets a call. Alexis goes inside so he can take it. It's Max telling him that the car is rigged.

Upstairs, Johnny takes his keys out. He's going to drive Kristina home. DUN! Back in the garage, the car bomb's red light blinks it's threatening blink. DUN!

Elizabeth and Nikolas talk about how awesomely amazing Shirley is. He encourages her to go home and sleep. She waddles away.

Patrick and Lisa are drunk. And it's time for him to walk her home. But that's all that will happen.

Maxie and Matt flirt while Lulu scoffs. Matt insists the flowers aren't from him. Lulu excuses herself and leaves but not before reminding Maxie she has a boyfriend. Maxie thinks that the flowers must be from Spinelli then. But the only person Spinelli wants to give flowers to is Jason. Matt thinks Maxie should rethink her relationship with Spinelli.

Dante and Spinelli argue against procedure....and normally I'd agree with Dante but can we just get on with it? Jason thinks he should go see Franco's mom.

Sam comes back and Kristina isn't there. Sonny is worried and Sam figures out that Molly knows something. And apparently Sam went off to the class and Kristina wasn't there. Molly tells them all that Kristina is with Johnny. Sonny looks alarmed. What? Huh? Something went wrong in Sonny's perfect plan? A car bomb meant for his daughter's lover is going to kill his daughter? Who would have ever seen that one coming?! God, I want to smack him in the face.

Lulu visits Spinelli who apparently was expecting Maxie. Really? How many times in the past few weeks have you seen Maxie? Spinelli tells Lulu about Dante and Jason and Franco's mother. Lulu is worried that Jason will escape but Spinelli thinks jason wouldn't do that. The two friends finally address the tension of being on opposite sides. Spinelli admits why he doesn't like what Dante did. Lulu tells Spinelli about the flowers but he says they're not from him. Duh.

Matt and Maxie. (Too many people with the same sounding names on this show....Max/Maxie/Matt/Mac...it gets confusing.) Anyway, they're arranging the flowers and bantering about ending whatever they have or don't have. James brings two dozen more flowers. Matt dejectedly leaves.

Sonny runs out the door despite Alexis' objections. Alexis yells at Molly and wonders what Kristina is thinking. Molly doesn't understand why no one thinks that Kristina has a right to be mad at Sonny.

In his limo, Sonny calls Max to disable the bomb but no can do.

Kristina and Johnny are still in his apartment arguing about things. She's taken his keys. She wants to stay there and let Sonny stew thinking she's spending the night at Johnny's. He tries to convince her that she doesn't hate Sonny as much as she thinks she does. He empathizes. He yells at her to let it be over. She finally relents, gives him back his keys and tells him to take her home.

Patrick and Lisa: Yeah, you know what happens.

Johnny and Kristina walk towards the car. She says she's relieved they're ending the fake relationship. He's relieved too. He unlocks the doors with his electronic key just as Sonny enters the garage and calls for Kristina. He shields himself from the inevitable explosion.

At the house in Woodstock, Jason and Dante meet Mrs. Franco. She seems just as crazy as Franco...and she says she doesn't have a son.

Maxie sits in the dark as Franco enters with more roses. DUN!

Well that was all anti-climactic.

-end

June 29 2010

Patrick and his overly bandaged hand make out with Lisa. He stops it because he's married...although I can't count how many times he's used that as an excuse...and there he is. Lisa rightly calls him son of a bitch for being a total hypocrite.

Olivia and Lulu continue to talk about the Dante/Franco/Jason thing. Olivia thinks it makes sense but Lulu doesn't want Dante to risk himself. Olivia knows that Dante is stubborn and taking risks for what he believes in is a part of who Dante is. She encourages Lulu to stand by her man.

Michael thinks it's hypocritical that Dante and the police think Jason is bad, yet are using his skills to help them with Franco. Dante says they're just using Jason to lure Franco out, not to kill him. But we all know Jason will somehow end up the hero. Michael's also worried that Jason will run, Dante will be thrown in jail and he'll be sent to jail as well.

Credits: Epiphany/Matt Day

Lucky is waiting for Sonny at his restaurant but insists he's not there as a cop. He says he's worried about Michael. They pointlessly dissect each other's side of the law. Lucky warns Sonny that attempting to see Michael is dangerous. Sonny retorts that Lucky would do the same thing in his position.

Dante thinks Michael will be fine as long as he sticks to the terms of his release. They argue about Jason.

Lulu gets all worked up about how people viewed Dante putting Michael in jail. She and Olivia discuss Dante and his decisions. Lulu doesn't want to back Dante up on what he's doing with Jason, but Olivia says she has no choice.

Patrick blames Lisa for the kiss because for months she flirted with him etc... She thinks he's just not happy with his marriage. He thinks she's dating Steve to make him jealous. Well if it's working, Patrick, that's your fault. She finally gets a back-bone and tells him off, accusing him of not even wanting her and that he just wants to prove he's the best at everything. Interesting theory.

Back at the hospital, Steven has no idea what's going on. He and Liz discuss some work and then of course Shirley. Steven tells her that Shirley's cancer has spread to her brain. Epiphany joins in for a moment so she can earn her weekly paycheck. Steven tries to comfort a devastated Elizabeth.

Lucky thinks it would be best if Sonny gave Michael up but Sonny doesn't see how that's for the best. Lucky compares himself to Michael and says some more words that Sonny seems to actually be listening to. After Lucky leaves, Sonny calls Luke to tell him that Johnny is "about to be taken out." Yeah...he was listening to Lucky.

Dante rues his decisions regarding Michael but Michael doesn't want to talk about it. They argue again about Sonny's involvement with his kids.

Ethan stops by Luke's to give him some Cubans. Luke informs Ethan that he's taking his annual Tony Geary summer vacation. He thinks he needs to distance himself from Port Charles and tries to get Ethan to come with him. Ethan has too much to do here. Ethan gets a phone call from someone who needs to see him.

Pregnant Elizabeth brings Shirley a present. They discuss Shirley's recent diagnosis.

Maxie yells at someone on the phone, sitting on the docks, and it's not about her awful new haircut. Lucky comes by and apparently is her "police escort" for something. She rambles about something I don't caret about. She's worried about Franco's return. With the way James Franco acted last time....we all are.

Ethan arrives out of breath at Johnny's apartment and makes sure he's not there. It was Maya who called him. He answers the door like he lives there. They flirt.

Kate(!) flirts with Coleman...and I really don't get that relationship. She wants him to close the bar early. He moves on to a drinking Patrick and tries to be all bartender therapist. Steven comes in and joins Patrick who half-heartedly apologizes to him. Olivia joins the fray of miserable drinkers. Kate doesn't like that Coleman and Olivia are flirting and starts to throw down.

Kate and Olivia continue to squabble and I'm ready for a girl fight. Brook Lynn amusedly watches. It almost comes to blows, but Steven and Patrick separate them.

Maya starts to tell Ethan a college story when Johnny enters. Ethan continues the apartment facade. All of a sudden, Maya gets all self-rightous about being with someone in a blood-moneyed apartment. Johnny decides to have some fun furthering the lie telling Maya that Ethan is really the one that's in charge. Ethan finally admits that the apartment isn't his. But Maya knew that already. Go girl!

Maxie continues her freak out about Franco. Lucky assures her that it'll be OK.

Lulu comes back to Dante's apartment. Michael makes himself scarce. Dante and Lulu apologize to each other.

After the commercial break, Lulu and Dante continue to over-aplogize to each other. And then they start to have sex.

Michael and Kristina meet on the docks. He tells her about Lulu and Dante and why he had to get away. They discuss Pentonville, staying at Dante's apartment and of course Kristina's hatred for her dad.

Alexis and Sonny discuss their strategy for getting Kristina away from Johnny. He suggests a family meal with everyone including Michael. Alexis thinks he has ulterior motives. Because she's met him.

Post-Coital bliss, Dante and Lulu wonder when Michael will be back. She wants him to be careful. He promises to be.

Lucky comes home to an anxious Luke. Luke is worried about Ethan and tells Lucky why. Smart telling a cop all this.

About Friday, Johnny and Ethan are having some kind of card game and something that will "up the ante".

Kristina and Michael argue some more about Sonny and Claudia. When she brings up Pentonville, Michael freaks out a little bit. She talks about her plan. Michael thinks she needs to learn from Carly about plans. Hee.

Max and Milo discuss the car bomb that's supposed to take out Johnny. Milo is worried and discusses the possibility of the wrong person being blown up....just like what happened to Lily.

Alexis thinks Sonny wants to have dinner with everyone so he can see Michael. She finally agrees to his alibi...I mean the dinner.

-end

June 28 2010

First of all, congratulations to Julie Berman for her win last night. Go Lulu!

Sonny explains to Luke that Johnny "has to die". Because...he held hands with Kristina. And this guy is somehow still popular with fans? He says it'll be a car bomb and no one innocent will be harmed. Yeah...remember that car bomb that was meant for you and killed your wife and unborn child? How quickly we forget. It would serve him right if Kristina ended up getting into that car instead of Johnny. Luke thinks the problem is that everyone will know he did it. Sonny doesn't listen to reason because he's Sonny. He just knows that Johnny has to die. Finally, Luke brings up Lily. And he says he hopes Kristina doesn't get caught in the same situation. Do I know this show or what?

Kristina has walked in on Johnny and Olivia doin' the nasty. Olivia tells Kristina to get out. Kristina says it's up to Johnny.

Lulu listens to Brook Lynn talking to Michael about Sonny and Dante. Lulu wants to know why Brook is encouraging Michael to see Sonny when she knows it's against his probation. Brook insists that she's talking long-term. Lulu doesn't want Dante to be a part of Sonny's life ever.

Dante explains the terms of Jason's release to him. Jason's only request is a gun. And the deals off it doesn't happen.

Credits: Lisa/Steve day. I guess Matt and Maxie's storyline is done?

Steve and Lisa "welcome" Patrick to the hospital even though he's still on suspension. Patrick is there as a patient; he slammed his hand in Emma's toy chest. Not very smart for a surgeon. He snarks about some diagnosis on Lisa's computer and then takes it back because he's still on suspension. Passive-aggressive Port Charles!

Michael doesn't want Brook and Lulu to fight but they do anyway. Michael comes to Sonny's defense regarding shooting Dante in the chest. He says that Sonny had just found out that Dante was an undercover cop and that's the way it works. Well that's lame, Michael. Because shooting people is not the way life works. That's why we have laws. Lulu continues to hate Sonny anyway. Brook thinks that not everyone has to hate Sonny. Sure...but they aren't reading my recaps. They argue some more until Brook excuses himself.

Dante and Jason argue about the terms of the deal especially the sticking point of having a gun.

Johnny and Olivia are clothed now. Kristina gets nasty. Olivia realizes at this point that Kristina and Johnny aren't having sex. Kristina thinks that Olivia is just using Johnny to save Sonny.

Sonny says bringing up Lily hurt Truth hurts. Luke tactfully says there are similarities. Sonny doesn't think there are. Really Sonny? Jealous father....acts irrationally....car bomb... No. No similarities there. He wants to know how Luke would feel if it were a teenage Lulu. First of all, Lulu was having sex as a teenager...and she dated Johnny for a long time too. Someone send Sonny some recaps? But Sonny's got it all figured out. So...tired... When's this going to go down? Friday cliffhanger! And he has Kristina's where-abouts all taken care of too. How could anything possibly go wrong??

Steve and Patrick blah blah blah about a patient.

Lulu and Michael discuss Sonny. She says it's ok to love his dad, but not to be like him. Lulu explains why she doesn't want Dante to get close to Sonny. She doesn't want Sonny to take advantage of Dante.

Dante and Jason argue some more about the gun issue. The problem is there's no trust between them. Dante thinks he'll catch Franco. He wants Jason to be the bait. Jason doesn't think that'll work. Dante says he'll be back tomorrow.

Kristina continues to goad Olivia who wants to call Alexis. Olivia yells at Kristina and says her lies almost got Ethan killed and this time her lies are going to get more people killed. She also thinks it has to do with Kiefer. I really have no idea why Johnny isn't on Olivia's side. He knows this will all end in tears....blood. But then Kristina gets all out of control about her dad and how he degrades women....because that's what this idiocy is all about. And Johnny should know this and stop it. He finally gets Kristina to leave. Olivia can't believe how far this has gotten. Johnny wonders if Kristina was right about sleeping with him to protect Sonny.

Luke thinks Anthony will retaliate. Duh. Sonny again doesn't listen to reason. He says that Morgan is safe with Carly and Jax. Yeah...sure. Luke tries a different tactic by brining up Kristina saying she's going to know. But it's like talking to a three year old brick wall.

Patrick leaves with his overly bandaged hand. Steve and Lisa joke about it after he leaves.

Olivia and Johnny cry over spilled relationship.

Claire is pissed at being summoned by Jason....she argues against the gun thing. Jason argues for it.

Lulu comes to see Sonny. She tells him about Jason and Franco and the great 80s sitcom idea. She wants Sonny to make sure Jason doesn't escape. Sonny doesn't think Dante losing his badge would be a bad thing...because he's a dick. Finally he tells Lulu he'll make sure Jason doesn't run but he wants something in return. He wants her to stop talking badly about him to his kids.

Bar of one night stands: Patrick gets a beer at Jake's. Lisa comes in and spars/banters....and yeah, we all know where they'll end up.

Johnny and Olivia continue to break up for good. Olivia leaves in tears.

Claire is worried about Jason escaping and her losing her job. Jason tries to convince her that he has no reason to escape because he'd never be able to come home. She says if they're going to release Jason, it has to be on their terms.

Lulu is back at home wanting to cook for Michael. She tries not to be insulted when he suggests take-out. He guesses that Lulu went to see Sonny. Dante comes home and tells Lulu and Michael that Jason will be released tomorrow. She tells him about her talk with Sonny.

Sonny is a little irked that Lulu went to Sonny. They fight a little which is new. It's actually nice to see them argue like a normal couple. She doesn't want him to risk his life. He says it's his life to risk. She insists that his life is her life....or something more romantic and less wordy than that.

Brook arrives at Jake's and Coleman is happy to see her. She tells him about her metro-court gig that we've yet to see. She asks about Johnny.

Patrick and Lisa play pool and drink beer. Just get to it, already. He says something pretty flirty and egotistical to her which finally makes her get a back bone. She leaves. But for how long?

Brook continues to talk about Coleman's clientele. And....enter Johnny on cue. Brook goes to join him and manipulates her way into his night.

Olivia finds Lulu crying on the docks. Lulu tells her that Dante is stubborn and going to get himself thrown in prison.

Sonny goes to visit Jason. He tells Jason about the plan with Johnny. He also asks Jason not to run.

Patrick follows Lisa to her house. They yell about stupid stuff while I'm just waiting for them to kiss. He finally calls her bluff.

Olivia commiserates with Lulu about Dante. She knows how stubborn he can be. Lulu tells Olivia about the whole Jason/Franco plan.

Dante rues arguing with Lulu. He tells Michael about Jason being unarmed. Michael gets pissed that Jason won't have protection.

Jason still holds a grudge against Dante for putting Michael in prison. Sonny insists that Dante helped Michael get out but according to Jason, that's not enough. Oh and then something weird happens: Sonny talks some sense. Jason wants Dante behind bars to know the hell Michael went through....for a month. Sonny says that if Dante ends up in jail, Michael will be back there too. Words of wisdom...from Sonny's lips...against violence. Did I just see a pig fly outside my window?

And we end up on Patrick goading Lisa calling her on her shit. Again, Lisa makes fun of Patrick the daddy. And finally they kiss.

-end

June 24 2010

OMG! It's raining! Let's interrupt your favorite soap... Those weathermen...love their weather. Well I'm looking outside right now and the skies are blue. Most useless. Job. Ever. Except this one...

And I missed the entire teaser....Credits!

We begin with Luke continuing his pity party. He drunkenly tells his sons that he "belongs" with Tracy. He wants to take her back to Vegas and do it all sober. The last part makes his boys laugh. Lucky thinks he needs to be more sincere with Tracy. Ethan agrees. Luke dismisses their advice. Maya comes by. He wants Maya to help him talk to Tracy face to face.

Carly is scared about Franco. Michael tries to calm her down. Carly makes a phone call to someone she "needs".

Dante and Claire argue about Jason. He wants to let Jason out to deal with Franco; She's just glad a criminal is finally in jail. And who wouldn't be in this town? Dante, apparently. She accuses him once again of focusing on something else so he won't have to deal with his dad.

Alexis begs Jason for help but he thinks talking to Johnny would be fruitless.

Sam tries to get through to Kristina but Johnny argues the other side. Sonny crashes the party. He demands Kristina come home with him. Kristina, "You've tried that before, fuckwad. Don't you remember yesterday? I'm not your property and I'm of age, so fuck off." Actually what she says is, "No, dad, I'm not". But the other stuff was said by her eyes.

Sonny once again tells her to go with him. Try asking, Dick. She refuses again. Sam tells Kristina not to be rude to her father and if she wants to be treated like an adult, she should act like one. Seems to me, she's acting as an adult just fine. Just because Sam disagrees with her actions, doesn't mean she's acting like a child. I mean, she is acting like a child...just not in this particular case. Sam wants them to talk it out. Kristina says they already tried that in therapy. Somehow Sam convinces Kristina to go with Sonny...although I don't know exactly how. Alone now, Sam wants to know how Johnny could be so stupid. Have you seen this show, Sam? Everyone is stupid.

Alexis begs Jason some more. Jason thinks Johnny isn't the problem, Kristina is and that they need to get through to her. Alexis leaves saying she admires him for what he did for Michael....giving up five years of his life to protect him for a month. Yeah...see the last sentence of the above paragraph.

Carly shows Jax the photograph from Franco. She tells him about the photograph Franco left at Josselyn's christening. Jax is pissed that Carly never told him about that.

Luke wants Maya to give him the new security codes to the mansion so he can see Tracy face to face. Why doesn't he just ask Alice to let him in? I guess Maya needs some sort of storyline. Luke tries to explain why he needs to see Tracy. Lucky and Ethan do their part to convince Maya as well.

At the mansion, Tracy dictates some orders to some hot male secretary(?). She also wants to fire Alice! Luke comes in and tells prettyboy to leave. Tracy tells Luke to get out but he won't leave. She finally dismisses her prettyboy and argues with Luke. She even calls the police. Luke gets down on one knee and proposes.

Back at Lucky's, it's a party! Maya sips some ice tea while Ethan plays pool and Lucky thanks her for helping Luke. Maya asks Ethan why Luke can't stay with him at his big luxurious (fake) penthouse!

Dante and Claire arrive at the Jax's. They share information with Carly and Jax. Dante says he has a plan to draw Franco out.

Johnny visits Jason in jail. Why? My God - does Jason actually spend time in jail? They discuss Kristina.

Sonny and Kristina "talk" at the restaurant. They argue about Johnny. And yell. And Sonny gets all territorial and demanding just like an abuser. But he doesn't hit women! And Kristina actually dares him to hit her.

Before things can get worse (too late), Alexis interrupts the feuding father and daughter. Sonny tries to get Alexis to agree with him...which she does. But Kristina calmly explains to her mother that she won't have a relationship with her dad and storms off.

Johnny says he's not trying to hurt Kristina. He also compares Sonny to his own dad which Jason seems to have a problem with....and the comparison isn't far off. Jason warns Johnny that if things go too far, Kristina won't forgive herself. Why is he there again?

Before Dante can tell his plan, Claire interrupts and says that it's a matter for interpol. Dante gets Carly's statement and he and Claire leave. But not before Dante tells Carly she did the right thing for calling him.

Ethan and Lucky explain their dad to Maya evading the apartment conversation. Maya leaves to go to the hospital. Lucky is amused with Ethan for lying about Johnny's penthouse.

Luke continues to propose and convince Tracy to marry him. The doorbell rings and she warns him to get out before the police come. The police enter the living room and arrest Luke for trespassing.

Back at the PCPD, Lucy meets his handcuffed dad. Luke's pretty depressed that Tracy didn't respond to his pleas.

Sonny and Alexis argue about Kristina and their parenting tactics.

Kristina cries outside Johnny's pad. Johnny comes home and lets her in while Kristina whines about her dad.

Soaking in a bubble bath, Sam answers the phone. It's Jason....with a line of convicts behind him. She describes what she's (not) wearing wanting to have a little phone sex....but Jason's uncomfortable... with a line of convicts waiting behind him.

Jax has made arrangements for everyone to have bodyguards. He's thankful that Carly called him.

Kristina talks about her childhood and lack of father figure. She wants Johnny to take everything away from Sonny.

Sonny blah blah blah blahs to his bodyguards, Max and Milo. He's apparently given them orders to do something bad to Johnny...

Sam wants Jason to talk and he's all mumbly. And she finally realizes that he has an audience until the guard sends them all back to their cells. But...Jason gets five more minutes. Because he's Jason.

At the PCPD, Claire gives Dante the good news that they're releasing Jason into Dante's custody. She says if Jason runs, Dante will be arrested for aiding and abetting. D'oh! It's like an 80's sitcom!

-end

June 22 2010

Steve and Patrick argue about a patient and Lisa tries to interfere. It gets so bad that Patrick punches Steve; Nikolas tries to intervene - but Steve takes care of it: Patrick is suspended.

Kristina doesn't want her mom to interfere with her fake fucking a 30 year old mobster. Alexis tries to talk directly to Johnny.

Now that Dante has gotten Michael out of jail, Brook wants 10 thousand as "severance". Then she tries blackmail.

Dante thought he was clear about Sonny staying away from Michael but he should know by now that Sonny does what he wants despite putting his kids in danger.

Credits: Epiphany/Matt day...

Patrick, "You can't suspend me, I'm the best neurosurgeon in the state." Is Sonny's writer writing for him? Cause seriously? Lisa agrees with Steve, as does Nikolas. Before he rushes off, Patrick snidely says, "Good luck with the patients without me." Oh geez. I so hate arrogance.

Maxie hobbles into the PCPD and sees Lucky. According the SOD, Kirsten Storms broke her foot or something so Maxie will have to suffer by explaining that she's a klutz in five inch heels. And her hair is way too bleached. Anyway, she's there to see Claire Walsh. Lucky wants to know what it's all about. She tells him about Franco.

Alexis and Kristina fight. She threatens to take away the keys to her car. Kristina acts like a total brat chastising her mom for her choices to which Alexis rightly answers, "Then stop following my example!" Kristina pretty much blames her mom for approving of Kiefer. Is she related to Carly somehow? Johnny tries to butt in but Kristina cuts him off. Dayum! Oh gosh, and then all sorts of confusion because Alexis isn't even the one that Kristina wants to hurt but this whole plan is pretty much hurting everyone. And why anyone thought this would be a good story...I just don't know. Anyway, Alexis threatens Johnny...who just seems like he wants to spill the entire truth but is way too caught up in this bullshit. And then Johnny says something even more confusing. He says that he won't pursue Kristina but he won't push her away either. He says it's her choice. And what's your choice, Johnny? Just to be a piece of meat for anyone who wants you? In that case....can I try?

Carly, because she's a big idiot, wants to continue her plan. Brook Lynn doesn't get it. The audience doesn't get it either.

Sonny tries to talk to Michael. Dante tries to usher Sonny out. Sonny thinks he can do whatever he wants. He still wonders what side Dante is on and doesn't realize what an asshole he's being; he doesn't realize what it took to get Michael out. Sonny didn't do it, Dante did. Gawd, did I mention how much I hate arrogance?

Lucky wants to know why Franco is contacting Maxie again. Maxie just wants to get rid of the picture. She runs off her mouth about how much she destroyed Spinelli's faith in her and that she's trying to get it back. Lucky thinks that maybe Maxie should let him go. Agreed!

Steve thanks Nikolas for backing him up earlier. In return, Nikolas wants Steven to talk to Elizabeth about her recent investments.

Kristina and Alexis argue about something that doesn't even matter or should be creating a wedge between them. As it thunders outside, they talk about Sonny and trying to piss him off which neither Johnny nor Kristina really deny. Then Alexis finally says something of note to Johnny, "You stood in my living room and told me that Kristina shouldn't be in Sonny's world. Why is her being in your world any better than that?" Johnny thinks he's better than Sonny. Alexis tells him that Michael is back home - but then goes on to explain Michael being caught in the crossfire and not wanting Kristina to be there as well.

Lulu has her say. She basically calls Sonny selfish (true) and that his being there could send his son back to prison. Sonny: "The judge isn't here right now." ....which may work in five year old court.. Anyway, Lulu finishes and leaves. Even Sonny admits that Lulu is pretty amazing. But Sonny just wants to be a good father. Dante tells him to prove it by going home.

Bar of one night stands: Coleman pours Patrick a shot. Patrick plans to get drunk and hands Coleman his keys. Lisa comes in to make things worse. Patrick continues to act like a toddler - Lisa continues to insult his livelihood. And whatever, after various barbs traded, Lisa gets serious for a moment and brings up Patrick's dad. I guess even the best neurosurgeons have daddy issues.

Carly is at home taking down the "welcome home" sign when the doorbell rings. Lulu stops by and Carly acts all fake. Lulu gets to the point. She tells him about Sonny and Dante and Michael. Carly says she'll talk to Sonny. She also lies that she's grateful to Dante.

Michael finally speaks up and tells Sonny that he's glad his dad came to see him but he should stay away. Sonny, "I just want us all to get to know each other" because he's a deluded freak. Michael says the law says differently. Sonny, "I don't care about the law." Duh times twelve.

Patrick continues to drink as he explains to Coleman why he's so fucked up. Blah blah blah, ex-girlfriend, blah blah blah, steals my patients. He doesn't forget to bring up Robin while he's upset about Steven "stealing" his ex-girlfriend. Because he lurves her. Luke walks in and decides to have his own pity party. Keys to Coleman. Drinks all around. Luke can't go to the Haunted Star because technically it belongs to Tracy.

Maxie apologizes to Lucky for giving him grief about staying with Elizabeth. Lucky thinks he's the last person he should trust to give advice and says that if she wants to work on things with Spinelli, she should. No!!!! Claire arrives. They snark back and forth until Lucky urges Maxie to tell Claire why she's there. She does.

Brook comes by Johnny's with the bad excuse that her car broke down. He calls a tow truck.

Sonny continues to be a selfish prick. He wants the three of them to figure things out and play scrabble and decorate the christmas tree and play with puppies and gawd I'm bored. And same arguments...blah blah blah. Sonny to Dante "Why can't you ever see me in a good light?" Maybe because of lines like "I don't care about the law!" Dante retorts with, "Why can't you do the right thing for once?" Isn't that the eternal question? But Sonny's in hell! Because it's all about Sonny! And he's not going to stop loving his children! And what? Is that...what Dante said? Because I didn't hear that. Sonny leaves as he usually does....as a five year old having a tantrum.

Patrick and Luke drink and talk about their problems....uh oh. Isn't this how Johnny and Olivia ended up in bed?

Claire questions Maxie about the picture. Nothing much comes out except Jason and murder. Lucky walks Maxie out and Claire immediately gets on the phone with someone she needs to see about Franco.

Brook, clothed in Johnny's shirt aks him about Kristina etc... She finally goes to get dressed.

Sonny sees Olivia at the docks. They talk even though she shouldn't. He tells her about Dante and Michael.

Dante and Michael make the couch up. Michael seems open to having a brotherly relationship with Dante. They talk about Sonny. Dante is surprised to hear that Sonny is good at fishing. I'm not. He probably yells at them and tells them they betrayed him before they just up and die. Michael says he feels bad that Dante and Sonny can't make things work.

Patrick and Luke continue talking about their woes. Gosh it's awful being a responsible man in a committed relationship!

It's Ronnie! Claire asks him about Franco and tells him what she knows so far. He thinks she just needs to keep an eye on Jason and she'll find Franco.

Dante agrees that Sonny can be charming but thinks if he's that devoted to his kids, he should walk away - from his business or his kids.

Blah blah blah, Sonny and Olivia and I'm bored again.


-end