July 2 2010

So today's the day.... who dies? Let's find out.

Sonny, Michael and Sam are sitting at Alexis' house. Molly comes in and metaphors the plot for today's episode. All about a rat going through a maze. Sam thinks it sounds fun, Michael looks contemplative, Sonny looks amused but probably has no idea what's going on. Science? What? Michael says it reminds him of Pentonville. Sonny assures him that he doesn't have to worry about that anymore. Alexis comes in from the kitchen and Sonny wonders why Kristina isn't joining them.

Olivia and Johnny reunite their love with wine. Olivia thinks that she's convinced Sonny that Johnny and Kristina are sleeping together. But no one can convince Sonny of anything. Johnny wants Olivia to stay out of it. He thinks and hopes that Ethan convinced Kristina to drop the whole thing. If he wants this whole thing dropped, then what was he doing yesterday (earlier) goading Sonny at his restaurant? Ding Dong. It's Kristina.

Max supervises car-bomb guy who tells Max that the bomb will work just fine.

Spinelli hasn't found Franco but he tells Jason he's found someone who may know where he is: his mom.

Outside Harbourview Towers, Dante holds a gun on someone whom we're meant to believe is Franco. The guy runs and Dante runs after him.

Credits: Lisa/Steve day.

Patrick and Lisa are drinking at the Metro-Court. His eyes are closed for some reason. It's a game! He has to figure out what it is. SideCar. Kinda dangerous to drink with someone you almost slept with and cheated on your wife with while....drinking...the other day. They toast to Shirley's surgery.

Mode Lite! Maxie and Lulu talk shop when a hotel employee comes in with roses for Maxie. Lulu wants to set "James" up with Brook Lynn. Maxie wonders if the flowers are from Matt but dismisses the idea because Matt's ego would make sure Maxie knew the roses are from him. Lulu wonders if the roses could be from Maxie's actual boyfriend.

Spinelli says Franco and his mom are from Brooklyn. He says the street names and Jason immediately knows that the neighborhood is Bensonhurst. How the hell does he know that? Has he even been to Brooklyn? Just in case you were wondering. More info: Spinelli doesn't think they have any contact. So...why are we wasting time? She now lives in Woodstock, NY (upstate)....but how close is that to Port Charles? I still don't know exactly where Port Charles is supposed to be. It doesn't really make sense. It's supposed to be a major dock town...but upstate New York is landlocked... The only major port would be on Lake Ontario (or Erie)? which would make it way too far from NYC, which they seem to be close to. At one point, Jason rode a motorcycle to Montauk which is at the tip of Long island. Just driving from NYC to Montaulk would take 2-3 hours....factor in how long it would take to get to Buffalo/Rochester etc.......that's like a 10-12 hour motorcycle ride. *Shrug* I've spent too much time thinking about it. Side note: Did you know Port Charles used to be on Long Island? I have no idea when or why they moved it to upstate NY.

Anyway....Dante catches his bandit but it's just some scared homeless guy.

Alexis tells Sonny about Kristina's fake SAT prep course. He gets a bit nervous that everything's not going to plan. Shocker! Molly takes Michael to the kitchen and Sam leaves to go work on a case since dinner will be delayed. Sonny continues to get nervous. He wants to go pick her up but Alexis tells her to sit and relax. Can't relax! Car bomb!

Olivia tries to be a sorta mom to Kristina trying to get her to back down from these lies. She tells Kristina that Sonny knows it's a big lie (he doesn't). Kristina gets on her high horse again about Olivia lying to protect Sonny. Johnny asks Olivia to leave him and Kristina alone for a minute so they can sort things out.

Lisa tells a terrible joke and they talk about the necessity of ego as a surgeon. And it's just them getting drunk to screw and just get on with it.

Back at the hospital, Elizabeth watches over Shirley when Nikolas enters. She thanks him for paying for the surgery and apologizes for taking him for granted.

Alexis calms Sonny down about what she thinks he's anxious about instead of what he's actually anxious about.

Outside the towers, Ronnie and Dante argue about Jason's intentions. Dante tells Ronnie about the homeless guy he thought was Franco. Ronnie doesn't get the whole "use a killer to catch a killer" way of police work. Um...didn't you see Silence of the Lambs? Ronnie also thinks that Jason and Spinelli are upstairs right now planning his escape.

Spinelli asks Jason if his feelings for Dante have changed since he got Michael out of prison. Nope. They haven't. He hates Dante! But he has to work with him! Jason and Dante: The next buddy cop movie!

Maxie doesn't think the flowers were from Spinelli. James comes back with more roses! She still thinks it's from Matt and Lulu suspects that Maxie is just into Matt. Enter Matt. And the roses aren't from him.

Dante comes back to Jason's apartment and tells him about the homeless man in front of the building. Jason tells Dante about Franco's mom. Dante is surprised that Interpol can't find this woman but Spinelli can. I'm surprised too...and so don't believe it. Spinelli says not to ask how...just to accept. Thanks Spinelli-san.

Sonny and Alexis sort of meet on common ground about letting Kristina figure this Johnny thing out for herself...except for the fact that he's a big fat liar. He gets a call. Alexis goes inside so he can take it. It's Max telling him that the car is rigged.

Upstairs, Johnny takes his keys out. He's going to drive Kristina home. DUN! Back in the garage, the car bomb's red light blinks it's threatening blink. DUN!

Elizabeth and Nikolas talk about how awesomely amazing Shirley is. He encourages her to go home and sleep. She waddles away.

Patrick and Lisa are drunk. And it's time for him to walk her home. But that's all that will happen.

Maxie and Matt flirt while Lulu scoffs. Matt insists the flowers aren't from him. Lulu excuses herself and leaves but not before reminding Maxie she has a boyfriend. Maxie thinks that the flowers must be from Spinelli then. But the only person Spinelli wants to give flowers to is Jason. Matt thinks Maxie should rethink her relationship with Spinelli.

Dante and Spinelli argue against procedure....and normally I'd agree with Dante but can we just get on with it? Jason thinks he should go see Franco's mom.

Sam comes back and Kristina isn't there. Sonny is worried and Sam figures out that Molly knows something. And apparently Sam went off to the class and Kristina wasn't there. Molly tells them all that Kristina is with Johnny. Sonny looks alarmed. What? Huh? Something went wrong in Sonny's perfect plan? A car bomb meant for his daughter's lover is going to kill his daughter? Who would have ever seen that one coming?! God, I want to smack him in the face.

Lulu visits Spinelli who apparently was expecting Maxie. Really? How many times in the past few weeks have you seen Maxie? Spinelli tells Lulu about Dante and Jason and Franco's mother. Lulu is worried that Jason will escape but Spinelli thinks jason wouldn't do that. The two friends finally address the tension of being on opposite sides. Spinelli admits why he doesn't like what Dante did. Lulu tells Spinelli about the flowers but he says they're not from him. Duh.

Matt and Maxie. (Too many people with the same sounding names on this show....Max/Maxie/Matt/Mac...it gets confusing.) Anyway, they're arranging the flowers and bantering about ending whatever they have or don't have. James brings two dozen more flowers. Matt dejectedly leaves.

Sonny runs out the door despite Alexis' objections. Alexis yells at Molly and wonders what Kristina is thinking. Molly doesn't understand why no one thinks that Kristina has a right to be mad at Sonny.

In his limo, Sonny calls Max to disable the bomb but no can do.

Kristina and Johnny are still in his apartment arguing about things. She's taken his keys. She wants to stay there and let Sonny stew thinking she's spending the night at Johnny's. He tries to convince her that she doesn't hate Sonny as much as she thinks she does. He empathizes. He yells at her to let it be over. She finally relents, gives him back his keys and tells him to take her home.

Patrick and Lisa: Yeah, you know what happens.

Johnny and Kristina walk towards the car. She says she's relieved they're ending the fake relationship. He's relieved too. He unlocks the doors with his electronic key just as Sonny enters the garage and calls for Kristina. He shields himself from the inevitable explosion.

At the house in Woodstock, Jason and Dante meet Mrs. Franco. She seems just as crazy as Franco...and she says she doesn't have a son.

Maxie sits in the dark as Franco enters with more roses. DUN!

Well that was all anti-climactic.

-end

June 24 2010

OMG! It's raining! Let's interrupt your favorite soap... Those weathermen...love their weather. Well I'm looking outside right now and the skies are blue. Most useless. Job. Ever. Except this one...

And I missed the entire teaser....Credits!

We begin with Luke continuing his pity party. He drunkenly tells his sons that he "belongs" with Tracy. He wants to take her back to Vegas and do it all sober. The last part makes his boys laugh. Lucky thinks he needs to be more sincere with Tracy. Ethan agrees. Luke dismisses their advice. Maya comes by. He wants Maya to help him talk to Tracy face to face.

Carly is scared about Franco. Michael tries to calm her down. Carly makes a phone call to someone she "needs".

Dante and Claire argue about Jason. He wants to let Jason out to deal with Franco; She's just glad a criminal is finally in jail. And who wouldn't be in this town? Dante, apparently. She accuses him once again of focusing on something else so he won't have to deal with his dad.

Alexis begs Jason for help but he thinks talking to Johnny would be fruitless.

Sam tries to get through to Kristina but Johnny argues the other side. Sonny crashes the party. He demands Kristina come home with him. Kristina, "You've tried that before, fuckwad. Don't you remember yesterday? I'm not your property and I'm of age, so fuck off." Actually what she says is, "No, dad, I'm not". But the other stuff was said by her eyes.

Sonny once again tells her to go with him. Try asking, Dick. She refuses again. Sam tells Kristina not to be rude to her father and if she wants to be treated like an adult, she should act like one. Seems to me, she's acting as an adult just fine. Just because Sam disagrees with her actions, doesn't mean she's acting like a child. I mean, she is acting like a child...just not in this particular case. Sam wants them to talk it out. Kristina says they already tried that in therapy. Somehow Sam convinces Kristina to go with Sonny...although I don't know exactly how. Alone now, Sam wants to know how Johnny could be so stupid. Have you seen this show, Sam? Everyone is stupid.

Alexis begs Jason some more. Jason thinks Johnny isn't the problem, Kristina is and that they need to get through to her. Alexis leaves saying she admires him for what he did for Michael....giving up five years of his life to protect him for a month. Yeah...see the last sentence of the above paragraph.

Carly shows Jax the photograph from Franco. She tells him about the photograph Franco left at Josselyn's christening. Jax is pissed that Carly never told him about that.

Luke wants Maya to give him the new security codes to the mansion so he can see Tracy face to face. Why doesn't he just ask Alice to let him in? I guess Maya needs some sort of storyline. Luke tries to explain why he needs to see Tracy. Lucky and Ethan do their part to convince Maya as well.

At the mansion, Tracy dictates some orders to some hot male secretary(?). She also wants to fire Alice! Luke comes in and tells prettyboy to leave. Tracy tells Luke to get out but he won't leave. She finally dismisses her prettyboy and argues with Luke. She even calls the police. Luke gets down on one knee and proposes.

Back at Lucky's, it's a party! Maya sips some ice tea while Ethan plays pool and Lucky thanks her for helping Luke. Maya asks Ethan why Luke can't stay with him at his big luxurious (fake) penthouse!

Dante and Claire arrive at the Jax's. They share information with Carly and Jax. Dante says he has a plan to draw Franco out.

Johnny visits Jason in jail. Why? My God - does Jason actually spend time in jail? They discuss Kristina.

Sonny and Kristina "talk" at the restaurant. They argue about Johnny. And yell. And Sonny gets all territorial and demanding just like an abuser. But he doesn't hit women! And Kristina actually dares him to hit her.

Before things can get worse (too late), Alexis interrupts the feuding father and daughter. Sonny tries to get Alexis to agree with him...which she does. But Kristina calmly explains to her mother that she won't have a relationship with her dad and storms off.

Johnny says he's not trying to hurt Kristina. He also compares Sonny to his own dad which Jason seems to have a problem with....and the comparison isn't far off. Jason warns Johnny that if things go too far, Kristina won't forgive herself. Why is he there again?

Before Dante can tell his plan, Claire interrupts and says that it's a matter for interpol. Dante gets Carly's statement and he and Claire leave. But not before Dante tells Carly she did the right thing for calling him.

Ethan and Lucky explain their dad to Maya evading the apartment conversation. Maya leaves to go to the hospital. Lucky is amused with Ethan for lying about Johnny's penthouse.

Luke continues to propose and convince Tracy to marry him. The doorbell rings and she warns him to get out before the police come. The police enter the living room and arrest Luke for trespassing.

Back at the PCPD, Lucy meets his handcuffed dad. Luke's pretty depressed that Tracy didn't respond to his pleas.

Sonny and Alexis argue about Kristina and their parenting tactics.

Kristina cries outside Johnny's pad. Johnny comes home and lets her in while Kristina whines about her dad.

Soaking in a bubble bath, Sam answers the phone. It's Jason....with a line of convicts behind him. She describes what she's (not) wearing wanting to have a little phone sex....but Jason's uncomfortable... with a line of convicts waiting behind him.

Jax has made arrangements for everyone to have bodyguards. He's thankful that Carly called him.

Kristina talks about her childhood and lack of father figure. She wants Johnny to take everything away from Sonny.

Sonny blah blah blah blahs to his bodyguards, Max and Milo. He's apparently given them orders to do something bad to Johnny...

Sam wants Jason to talk and he's all mumbly. And she finally realizes that he has an audience until the guard sends them all back to their cells. But...Jason gets five more minutes. Because he's Jason.

At the PCPD, Claire gives Dante the good news that they're releasing Jason into Dante's custody. She says if Jason runs, Dante will be arrested for aiding and abetting. D'oh! It's like an 80's sitcom!

-end

June 22 2010

Steve and Patrick argue about a patient and Lisa tries to interfere. It gets so bad that Patrick punches Steve; Nikolas tries to intervene - but Steve takes care of it: Patrick is suspended.

Kristina doesn't want her mom to interfere with her fake fucking a 30 year old mobster. Alexis tries to talk directly to Johnny.

Now that Dante has gotten Michael out of jail, Brook wants 10 thousand as "severance". Then she tries blackmail.

Dante thought he was clear about Sonny staying away from Michael but he should know by now that Sonny does what he wants despite putting his kids in danger.

Credits: Epiphany/Matt day...

Patrick, "You can't suspend me, I'm the best neurosurgeon in the state." Is Sonny's writer writing for him? Cause seriously? Lisa agrees with Steve, as does Nikolas. Before he rushes off, Patrick snidely says, "Good luck with the patients without me." Oh geez. I so hate arrogance.

Maxie hobbles into the PCPD and sees Lucky. According the SOD, Kirsten Storms broke her foot or something so Maxie will have to suffer by explaining that she's a klutz in five inch heels. And her hair is way too bleached. Anyway, she's there to see Claire Walsh. Lucky wants to know what it's all about. She tells him about Franco.

Alexis and Kristina fight. She threatens to take away the keys to her car. Kristina acts like a total brat chastising her mom for her choices to which Alexis rightly answers, "Then stop following my example!" Kristina pretty much blames her mom for approving of Kiefer. Is she related to Carly somehow? Johnny tries to butt in but Kristina cuts him off. Dayum! Oh gosh, and then all sorts of confusion because Alexis isn't even the one that Kristina wants to hurt but this whole plan is pretty much hurting everyone. And why anyone thought this would be a good story...I just don't know. Anyway, Alexis threatens Johnny...who just seems like he wants to spill the entire truth but is way too caught up in this bullshit. And then Johnny says something even more confusing. He says that he won't pursue Kristina but he won't push her away either. He says it's her choice. And what's your choice, Johnny? Just to be a piece of meat for anyone who wants you? In that case....can I try?

Carly, because she's a big idiot, wants to continue her plan. Brook Lynn doesn't get it. The audience doesn't get it either.

Sonny tries to talk to Michael. Dante tries to usher Sonny out. Sonny thinks he can do whatever he wants. He still wonders what side Dante is on and doesn't realize what an asshole he's being; he doesn't realize what it took to get Michael out. Sonny didn't do it, Dante did. Gawd, did I mention how much I hate arrogance?

Lucky wants to know why Franco is contacting Maxie again. Maxie just wants to get rid of the picture. She runs off her mouth about how much she destroyed Spinelli's faith in her and that she's trying to get it back. Lucky thinks that maybe Maxie should let him go. Agreed!

Steve thanks Nikolas for backing him up earlier. In return, Nikolas wants Steven to talk to Elizabeth about her recent investments.

Kristina and Alexis argue about something that doesn't even matter or should be creating a wedge between them. As it thunders outside, they talk about Sonny and trying to piss him off which neither Johnny nor Kristina really deny. Then Alexis finally says something of note to Johnny, "You stood in my living room and told me that Kristina shouldn't be in Sonny's world. Why is her being in your world any better than that?" Johnny thinks he's better than Sonny. Alexis tells him that Michael is back home - but then goes on to explain Michael being caught in the crossfire and not wanting Kristina to be there as well.

Lulu has her say. She basically calls Sonny selfish (true) and that his being there could send his son back to prison. Sonny: "The judge isn't here right now." ....which may work in five year old court.. Anyway, Lulu finishes and leaves. Even Sonny admits that Lulu is pretty amazing. But Sonny just wants to be a good father. Dante tells him to prove it by going home.

Bar of one night stands: Coleman pours Patrick a shot. Patrick plans to get drunk and hands Coleman his keys. Lisa comes in to make things worse. Patrick continues to act like a toddler - Lisa continues to insult his livelihood. And whatever, after various barbs traded, Lisa gets serious for a moment and brings up Patrick's dad. I guess even the best neurosurgeons have daddy issues.

Carly is at home taking down the "welcome home" sign when the doorbell rings. Lulu stops by and Carly acts all fake. Lulu gets to the point. She tells him about Sonny and Dante and Michael. Carly says she'll talk to Sonny. She also lies that she's grateful to Dante.

Michael finally speaks up and tells Sonny that he's glad his dad came to see him but he should stay away. Sonny, "I just want us all to get to know each other" because he's a deluded freak. Michael says the law says differently. Sonny, "I don't care about the law." Duh times twelve.

Patrick continues to drink as he explains to Coleman why he's so fucked up. Blah blah blah, ex-girlfriend, blah blah blah, steals my patients. He doesn't forget to bring up Robin while he's upset about Steven "stealing" his ex-girlfriend. Because he lurves her. Luke walks in and decides to have his own pity party. Keys to Coleman. Drinks all around. Luke can't go to the Haunted Star because technically it belongs to Tracy.

Maxie apologizes to Lucky for giving him grief about staying with Elizabeth. Lucky thinks he's the last person he should trust to give advice and says that if she wants to work on things with Spinelli, she should. No!!!! Claire arrives. They snark back and forth until Lucky urges Maxie to tell Claire why she's there. She does.

Brook comes by Johnny's with the bad excuse that her car broke down. He calls a tow truck.

Sonny continues to be a selfish prick. He wants the three of them to figure things out and play scrabble and decorate the christmas tree and play with puppies and gawd I'm bored. And same arguments...blah blah blah. Sonny to Dante "Why can't you ever see me in a good light?" Maybe because of lines like "I don't care about the law!" Dante retorts with, "Why can't you do the right thing for once?" Isn't that the eternal question? But Sonny's in hell! Because it's all about Sonny! And he's not going to stop loving his children! And what? Is that...what Dante said? Because I didn't hear that. Sonny leaves as he usually does....as a five year old having a tantrum.

Patrick and Luke drink and talk about their problems....uh oh. Isn't this how Johnny and Olivia ended up in bed?

Claire questions Maxie about the picture. Nothing much comes out except Jason and murder. Lucky walks Maxie out and Claire immediately gets on the phone with someone she needs to see about Franco.

Brook, clothed in Johnny's shirt aks him about Kristina etc... She finally goes to get dressed.

Sonny sees Olivia at the docks. They talk even though she shouldn't. He tells her about Dante and Michael.

Dante and Michael make the couch up. Michael seems open to having a brotherly relationship with Dante. They talk about Sonny. Dante is surprised to hear that Sonny is good at fishing. I'm not. He probably yells at them and tells them they betrayed him before they just up and die. Michael says he feels bad that Dante and Sonny can't make things work.

Patrick and Luke continue talking about their woes. Gosh it's awful being a responsible man in a committed relationship!

It's Ronnie! Claire asks him about Franco and tells him what she knows so far. He thinks she just needs to keep an eye on Jason and she'll find Franco.

Dante agrees that Sonny can be charming but thinks if he's that devoted to his kids, he should walk away - from his business or his kids.

Blah blah blah, Sonny and Olivia and I'm bored again.


-end

May 24 2010

NYC is a large place; How did Carly find Brook Lynn? Who cares. OK - Carly is trying to convince Brook to take money in exchange for helping her. Brook sidesteps but you know she's going to take the deal. She reminds us that she doesn't get her trust fund money until she's 30 and her parents aren't exactly thrilled with her. I wonder if Lois and Ned are back together. Brook wants Carly to get to the point. Carly mentions Dante.

Also sidestepping? Lulu. She claims she's busy with work. Dante thinks Lulu is all frazzled because of Michael. She talks about secrets and the "right time to tell them".

Sonny picks up his phone as instructed by Johnny. He gets some bad news. Johnny mentions some Italian names who are working with him now. Sonny makes an empty threat about killing Johnny.

Jason enters Michael's cell. Michael looks like Liz did on Valentine's day years before. He's totally shellshocked. Don't worry, Mikey - it usually only hurts the first time. Jason tries to get through to him.

Credits: I can't make fun of Matt anymore since he appeared twice in one week so... Monica, "Hey remember me? I'm a veteran!"

At the hospital, Lucky runs into Maya who is on her way out. He asks if she's seen Elizabeth. He was supposed to take the kids home but apparently Liz took them home.

At Liz's house, the kids are running rampant while Elizabeth has a headache. Nikolas is at the door. She forgot her ultra-sound appointment. Nikolas takes it personally for some reason.

Brook recounts the Falconeri/Cerillo connections. Yeah they all knew each other. Carly tells Brook about Sonny being Dante's father. She's surprised but enjoys the gossip.

Sonny holds the gun on Johnny but has no intention of using it. Johnny is just as smug. They both threaten each other and it's so boring. Sonny hides his gun as Ethan and Claire run in. Sonny is pissed at Max for being a bad bodyguard. Claire wants to know what she's doing there. Johnny says he wants to report an attempted murder. His. Points for creativity, Johnny but it's just so stupid. Any court would see that it's a set up.

Jason tries to talk Michael out of the shellshock but has no idea what happened. Right now he just thinks that Michael has been beaten up a little. Michael just rocks back and forth. Jason tries to distract him with other talk. Talk about the beach on the island snaps Michael out of it a little. And no, they're not talking about the final episode of Lost.

Johnny tells Claire that Sonny was holding a gun on him but the gun has already been hidden. He blames Ethan for being late. Claire asks Sonny if he really wants to be on trial for murder so soon after his last trial. Sonny blames Claire for Michael's conviction because he's a hypocritical dick. Sonny kicks everyone out but Claire stays. Sonny snarks that she's working for Johnny. She says she has probable cause to search the place because of what took place and reminds him that she heard him talk about killing Ethan. He tells her to go ahead and says he's going to visit Michael, whose conviction he again blames on Claire because he's a hypocritical dick.

Jason still thinks Michael was just hit and interrogates him about it. Michael doesn't want to talk about it. When Jason goes to touch him, Michael flinches. He blames himself for Jason being in there. Maybe Michael owes him a lil' somethin' somethin'. Hey, it's not rape if it's consensual.

Brook realizes that Carly wants her to go up to Port Charles to sleep with Dante. After she protests that she's not a hooker, Brook finalizes the deal by getting free room and board at the Metro-Court, unlimited spa and room service access. Also? She wants to sing there. I'm getting my plane ticket....now. Where is this magical place called Port Charles where people pay you big bucks to sleep with hot men?

Dante isn't sure what's going on but he wants to skip the argument and make up. Lulu doesn't think he has anything to be sorry about. They rehash the whole Michael decision and I'm bored. Phone! It's Claire. She wants Dante to come to Sonny's. Dante leaves with plans to get a drink with Lulu later at Jake's.

Nikolas doesn't think the baby is Liz's priority. Liz doesn't think that's fair. Lucky shows up and Liz realizes that it's his night with the kids. She's sorry that it slipped her mind. Lucky takes them away. Nik starts to fight again. Nik thinks two kids, being pregnant and a full time job is too much for her and wants to know what she's going to do about it.

It's Matt! Maxie shows up to Jake's with an awful haircut. She feigns that she's there to meet him as a friend.
Johnny and Ethan arrive at Jake's all happy with themselves and order shots to celebrate. Ethan turns and bumps into Maya causing her to spill her beer all over herself.

Claire tells Dante about what happened with Johnny and Sonny. She wants his help to search the house.

Michael wants to know about home. Jason tells him a little about Kristina. They talk about Carly and Dante. Jason admits that he hates Dante. Michael asks Jason not to tell anybody about how he was when he first arrived - all shellshocked and stuff. Jason talks about Brenda and how when he didn't talk, it drove her crazy. He says sometimes he didn't talk just to annoy her. HA! The guard comes over to tell Michael his dad is there.

In the visiting room, Sonny wants to know right away who hit him. Sonny says that Jason will be there to protect him. Michael wants Sonny to know that he's not as weak as Sonny thinks he is.

Elizabeth blames the hormones. Nik thinks she's doing too much. They fight and argue and... He wants her to live at Wyndemere and not work. She says she'll never move to Wyndemere.

Dante makes excuses about not searching the house. Claire thinks Dante is just protecting his father and can't even admit that Sonny shot him. He finally admits it to Claire's surprise and amusement but she says it doesn't do them any good now. It doesn't? Is the statute of limitations 3 months for attempted murder?! Why doesn't she go and arrest Sonny right now? He self-flagellates, she snarks. Did I mention I love Claire?

"Warden Powell" comes to visit Jason. He says he was wary about assigning Michael and Jason as cellmates but he went along with it...although he doesn't say why. He tells Jason that if he gets into any fights, he'll put Jason in solitary for the rest of his term and Michael will get another cellmate. Jason agrees but has a request.

Sonny wants to be all protective dad. (too late) He infers that Michael got beat up because of him. Michael insists he'll be fine. Sonny says he's trying to get him released and tells him to stay out of trouble.

Ethan tries to clean Maya up and accidently cops a feel. Maya takes over. He says he found a new lucrative job and will buy her a new shirt.

Matt and Maxie talk about Milan. She's impressed that he knows so much. She excuses herself to say hi to Johnny. Johnny wonders where Spinelli is. She tells him he's all depressed. Maxie tells Johnny of her plan to rile Spinelli up. Oops, Matt overhears, gets mad and leaves.

Nik and Liz fight some more. He brings up the past. She regrets that they ever slept together and she says she regrets that he's the baby daddy. He threatens that that's the worst thing she could have said to him. She finally kicks him out.

Michael comes back to his cell. A guard takes Michael away and the other guard tells Jason he has a visitor too. He's brought to see Sonny. Sonny makes his second death threat of the episode. Seriously, Sonny? Stop with all the fucking death threats. Who in Port Charles hasn't Sonny threatened?

Liz goes to visit Lucky. She tells him all about Nikolas.

Sonny, "I appreciate what you're doing...but you left me in a hell of a mess." For fucking seriously? Jason is in fucking jail and you're going to make a....oh for... I can't. I quit! I fucking quit. Breathe in. Breathe out. And I'm back. Sonny tells Jason about Johnny and Ethan and Claire. Sonny makes plans to crush Johnny.

Michael is with the prison doc.

Mode Lite! Carly rushes in to see Lulu. She says she's changed her mind and doesn't think Lulu should tell Dante about the abortion.

Dante arrives at Jake's to hear Brook Lynn singing "When you wish upon a star". Thanks, Disney. Yes, we all know ABC is owned by Disney.

Fuckers.

-end

May 4 2010

We begin where we left off: Michael says he did kill Claudia but the judge wants Michael to repeat the question and answer it again because the powers that be want to milk this as the entire teaser. After a flashback and ramblings by the judge regarding the rules of the court and warnings to answer the question, even though he did and more ramblings about Dante's testimony, the question is asked again. Michael answers, "Yes". Again. But this, too, is not good enough for the judge. He needs to hear "the words". Worst. Judge. Ever. And so Michael says all the words.

And after one scene, we get the credits.

And now the judge wants him to explain the whole thing. He starts with the party and tells the Judge everything we already know about what happened that night. Carly cries and everyone looks solemn. After the story, Michael tells the Judge that Sonny was never there. I really hope Carly gets jail time for perjury and Sam, Jason and Sonny get some for covering up a murder. The judge asks Michael if he meant to kill Claudia. He says he was just trying to save his mom and sister. The judge commends Dante and announces future sentencing for Michael. No trial? I mean was that really his trial? He doesn't get a jury? Diane tries to intercede but the Judge won't hear about bail. Dante requests to take Michael for processing. The judge allows it. Dante officially arrests Michael and Mirandizes him. He leads Michael off. After they leave, the judge drops all the charges against Sonny and then reprimands everyone. And I mean everyone. And finishes with a "get the hell out of my court room."

Gosh! 12 minutes down and only one scene.

Diane and Claire commiserate the possibility of being prosecuted. Olivia warns Jason to stay away from her son. She's glad that Lulu is in Dante's corner. Jax asks Claire what the Judge will do with Michael. Claire is more worried about her own ass - and I don't blame her. She thinks Carly did the most harm with all of the perjuring. She thinks the best Michael will get is a suspended sentence and mandatory therapy but she thinks Carly may not be so lucky.

Sonny talks to Carly and wonders what she's planning. Carly yells at Sonny: "I saw my son being handcuffed by your bastard". Ooooh...snap!

Dante books Michael. Michael wants to know why Dante turned him in. Dante explains that he did it for him. He wants a better life for him. People keep bringing up Michael's brain damage but he doesn't exactly ever act like someone with brain damage.

Sonny and Carly stupidly think that Dante wants to hurt Michael. They yell at each other. She blames Dante for everything. And once again it's everyone's fault but hers. Betrayal! Then she yells at Lulu again. But that's kinda Lulu's stupid fault for trying to approach her. And then Tracy! TRACY! Tracy lashes out with "Why are you blaming Lulu for a situation you created? You stole Michael from the Quartermaines. You gave him to Sonny. You have nobody but yourself to blame for all this misery!" FUCKING AWESOME.

Tracy and Carly have words while Michael gets mug shot and fingerprinted and gets put in jail.

Alice is disappointed when the judge tells the jury that the case has been dismissed. She tries to argue but the Judge tells him that Sonny's son confessed. Inappropriate! Diane congratulates Sonny for being a free man.

Jason's pad. He wants Spinelli to hack into the PCPD to make sure that Michael is treated well. Yes, do more crime. Jason thinks that Sonny now knows who Dante is.

At the docks, Olivia makes Sonny promise that Jason won't go after Dante. Sonny blah blah blahs...you kept him from me! blah blah blah, Dante betrayed me...! Oh the betrayal! Olivia finally speaks the truth: "This is happening to Michael because of you." She's floored that he can't see that. Welcome to the club, doll.

Carly waits at the PCPD interrogation room for Michael. Dante enters.

Carly calmly tells Dante that she wants to see her son. Dante tries to soften things but Carly starts to get annoyed. After he says that he's doing what's best for Michael because if Sonny had gotten away with murder, "Michael would have been sucked further into the mob", she asks, "Who the hell are you to make that pronouncement. Do you have some God-given ability to see the future?" Do you, Carly? I mean what did you think would happen to your guilt-ridden son when he saw his father be put away for a murder he committed? Dante tries to explain that Michael wanted to follow in Sonny's footsteps. Carly thinks Sonny would never allow it. Dante reasons that they couldn't stop him.

Olivia tries to make Sonny realize that his lifestyle is horrible for his kids. He doesn't get it. It's like talking to a brick wall. She's still not satisfied that Jason won't go after Sonny. She wants him to call Jason off.

Carly hugs her son and yells at Dante to get out. Michael doesn't want his mom to be mad at him but she isn't.

Spinelli updates Sam and Jason of his crime-related help. Jason wants Spinelli to join Bernie down in the Caribbean. Spinelli thinks Jason is going to kill Dante.

Carly assures Michael that he'll get a suspended sentence. Michael says that Dante said the same thing. Carly tells Michael not to trust Dante. A cop interrupts them to say that time is up. They reassure each other that everything will be fine and then part.

Jason doesn't answer the question which makes Spinelli thinks he's right. Jason blames himself. Spinelli tries to reason with Jason that if he's tied to this murder, Jason will go to jail for life....plus other reasons.

Johnny and Olivia commiserate about the whole mess. Johnny tells Olivia he'll keep going after Sonny.

Lulu and Dante meet at his loft.

Sonny visits Michael in his cell.

Olivia begs Johnny not to put his life in danger. She wants Johnny to stop the violence. As much as I like Johnny and Olivia together, she's a big ol' hypocrite for trading one mobster for another.

Carly arrives home. She tries to act brave for Morgan and tells him what happened. Morgan cries for his brother.

Dante tells Lulu what happened with Michael. He's glad Lulu has faith in him. Lulu is upset about Carly. Dante has faith that Michael will be free after Friday.

Michael and Sonny have a moment apologizing to each other....and then Sonny ruins it by blaming Dante. UGH. This guy. Jason watches as they talk.

Can we get a new story line tomorrow?

-end

April 7 2010

Boy, it's a hot day in New York today. I think it hit 90. I bet things are hot in Port Charles too. Sorry I missed yesterday's recap. I was busy...putting together a desk. At least trying to. It's not done yet. I may miss tomorrow's too. But yesterday was awesome. Great performances by Kristina and Alexis. Awesome performance by Dante. I loved his speech at Sonny. Loved Alexis' guilt. Ethan has finally been exonerated but for fuck's sake - now he's going to be accused of mowing down Kiefer?? And Kiefer? Dead. Let's get started with today's episode!

Sam tells Jason that she is worried that Kirstina is going to think that someone ran down Kiefer on purpose. They did!

Lucky asks Ethan what happened to his car. Ethan says he thinks he hit a deer. Lucky tells Ethan that if there's anything to know, than he needs to know now.

Molly tells Kristina about Kiefer's accident. Kristina wants to know how bad it is. Molly tells her that it's critical.

A guilt-ridden Alexis overhears Steven telling the Bauers to take as much time as they need. The Bauers mourn their dead abusive son. Mom Bauer sees Alexis and says it's all her fault. She don't know the half of it!

Credits: I do more work than Jason Cook. Can I have his salary?

At the elevator, Olivia gets defensive with Dante before he has a chance to speak. But he doesn't want to talk about that. He wants to talk about his tree house. What? Apparently she not only protected him from Sonny, but from a tree house as well. He apologizes for being mad at her for protecting him.

Sam is happy that Jason had nothing to do with Kiefer's "accident". But she's upset that she couldn't see the truth. Jason doesn't say 'I told you so' because he wants to get into her pants sometime in the future.

Kristina thinks Sonny ordered Jason to hit Kiefer. Molly doesn't think it's Jason's M.O. Kristina is still making excuses for Kiefer. Molly still thinks it was an accident.

Mommy Bauer yells at Alexis. She 'knows' her son. "My son is good. My son is kind." Obviously, you don't know your son. Alexis flashbacks to the 'accident''. Daddy Bauer tells Alexis to go. Alexis gets that cute red nose thing when she's upset.

Ethan's car has been towed. He's upset and wants his car back. Lucky says there's nothing to worry about; they'll check his car and if he's innocent, he'll get his car back.

Dante and Olivia have a sit down. Dante tells Olivia that he punched Sonny. Dante lists all the things Sonny has done wrong to his kids. I'm dreading the day that Dante forgives and tries to get to know Sonny. I know it will happen eventually but I'm enjoying the Sonny-hate while it lasts. Dante and his mom reconcile.

Alexis tells Sam and Jason that Kiefer didn't make it. Sam says she'll help Alexis tell Kristina.

Kristina wants to get out of bed to see Kiefer. Molly thinks its her fault that she pushed Kristina towards Kiefer. Kristina again tries to defend Kiefer. UGH...it's kinda icky. Enter Alexis and Sam. Kristina wants to know if Kiefer is OK. Sam breaks the news. Alexis holds her sobbing daughter. It really is kinda heart-breaking and icky all at the same time.

Car shop - Johnny talks to a thug about Sonny. After some hard-ball, Thug agrees to work with Johnny. Olivia interrupts. Johnny excuses Thug named Eddie. After he leaves, Olivia tells Johnny that she "got [her] son back". And Stella? Got her groove back.

Jason tells Dante that Kiefer is dead. Dante asks Jason how he does what he does. They talk about protection and loyalty. They disagree on the definitions of those words.

Ethan tells Lucky that he thought he was being followed. Lucky grabs his ringing cellphone. Out of earshot of Lucky, Luke asks Ethan if he's telling the truth. Ethan admits he's making it up because he can't exactly tell Lucky what he was really doing. Lucky comes back and tells them the phone call was from Mac: He tells them that Kiefer is dead which means this is a homicide.

Daddy Bauer gives a press conference about his son with Mommy Bauer at his side. Alexis watches from the doorway. He's giving a reward to anyone who can help with whoever mowed his dead abusive son down. Mac pulls Alexis aside and asks for her statement. She tells him: "A boy I encouraged to take out my daughter was secretly abusing her. And now he's dead. And I'm the one who..." Mac: "One who what?" Exactly.

Alexis feels guilty over not seeing what was happening with Kiefer and Kristina. Mac can empathize. He talks about Georgie. Alexis talks about Kiefer's mother and how much she's grieving. She says she hates Kiefer for what he did but didn't want him dead. Then you shouldn't have run him down, Alexis.

Lulu comes to visit a sulking Dante. They flirt a bit. He tells Lulu about how lucky he is to have his mom.

Johnny and Olivia have a drink in honor of her reconciliation with her son. They plan a romantic night.

Molly has all these feelings! She hates Kiefer! But she liked him before! And now he's dead! Sam tells Alexis that she'll take Molly home. Molly cries and hugs her sister. Before Sam leaves, Kristina asks her to get Jason.

Kristina asks Jason if he or Sonny killed Kiefer. Jason says he had nothing to do with the accident. She whines a bit about needing a listener. Jason flexes his butt.

Mac calls Lucky again. Lucky has to arrest Ethan again. He breaks the news to Ethan.

Olivia jokes that Johnny is taking a long time with his cars and that people might suspect that his place is a cover. Johnny got a pizza! MMMM, pizza. Johnny suggests moving in together.

Dante questions his mother's taste in men. Lulu likes that she went from a bad boy to a good boy without having to change men. Dante's also worried about his sibs. He changes the subject and the non-sexually-active lovebirds flirt again...until Dante talks about his mom again. Buzzkill! He also says that his mom could have taken the easy way out when she got pregnant with him and had an abortion. Apparently he doesn't know that Lulu had one. RUT ROH!

Olivia thinks she and Johnny have a good thing and shouldn't ruin it by moving in together. Except she says it more subtly than that. He tells her to think about it. They make out by candle-light.

Dante tells Lulu that Olivia "could have been selfish" by aborting him. Ohhh....I sense this ending badly. Open mouth, Falconeri, insert foot. Lulu gets uncomfortable. She tries to leave and makes excuses for doing so. Lulu flashes back to a chat with her dad about having an abortion.

At the PCPD, Luke yells at Mac while Lucky brings Ethan in. Mac yells back.

Jason comforts Kristina. She mourns her dead abusive lover.

In the hallway, Alexis asks Steven to give her daughter drugs. He gets paged and leaves. Alexis sees on the news that Ethan has been arrested.

-end