June 28 2010

First of all, congratulations to Julie Berman for her win last night. Go Lulu!

Sonny explains to Luke that Johnny "has to die". Because...he held hands with Kristina. And this guy is somehow still popular with fans? He says it'll be a car bomb and no one innocent will be harmed. Yeah...remember that car bomb that was meant for you and killed your wife and unborn child? How quickly we forget. It would serve him right if Kristina ended up getting into that car instead of Johnny. Luke thinks the problem is that everyone will know he did it. Sonny doesn't listen to reason because he's Sonny. He just knows that Johnny has to die. Finally, Luke brings up Lily. And he says he hopes Kristina doesn't get caught in the same situation. Do I know this show or what?

Kristina has walked in on Johnny and Olivia doin' the nasty. Olivia tells Kristina to get out. Kristina says it's up to Johnny.

Lulu listens to Brook Lynn talking to Michael about Sonny and Dante. Lulu wants to know why Brook is encouraging Michael to see Sonny when she knows it's against his probation. Brook insists that she's talking long-term. Lulu doesn't want Dante to be a part of Sonny's life ever.

Dante explains the terms of Jason's release to him. Jason's only request is a gun. And the deals off it doesn't happen.

Credits: Lisa/Steve day. I guess Matt and Maxie's storyline is done?

Steve and Lisa "welcome" Patrick to the hospital even though he's still on suspension. Patrick is there as a patient; he slammed his hand in Emma's toy chest. Not very smart for a surgeon. He snarks about some diagnosis on Lisa's computer and then takes it back because he's still on suspension. Passive-aggressive Port Charles!

Michael doesn't want Brook and Lulu to fight but they do anyway. Michael comes to Sonny's defense regarding shooting Dante in the chest. He says that Sonny had just found out that Dante was an undercover cop and that's the way it works. Well that's lame, Michael. Because shooting people is not the way life works. That's why we have laws. Lulu continues to hate Sonny anyway. Brook thinks that not everyone has to hate Sonny. Sure...but they aren't reading my recaps. They argue some more until Brook excuses himself.

Dante and Jason argue about the terms of the deal especially the sticking point of having a gun.

Johnny and Olivia are clothed now. Kristina gets nasty. Olivia realizes at this point that Kristina and Johnny aren't having sex. Kristina thinks that Olivia is just using Johnny to save Sonny.

Sonny says bringing up Lily hurt Truth hurts. Luke tactfully says there are similarities. Sonny doesn't think there are. Really Sonny? Jealous father....acts irrationally....car bomb... No. No similarities there. He wants to know how Luke would feel if it were a teenage Lulu. First of all, Lulu was having sex as a teenager...and she dated Johnny for a long time too. Someone send Sonny some recaps? But Sonny's got it all figured out. So...tired... When's this going to go down? Friday cliffhanger! And he has Kristina's where-abouts all taken care of too. How could anything possibly go wrong??

Steve and Patrick blah blah blah about a patient.

Lulu and Michael discuss Sonny. She says it's ok to love his dad, but not to be like him. Lulu explains why she doesn't want Dante to get close to Sonny. She doesn't want Sonny to take advantage of Dante.

Dante and Jason argue some more about the gun issue. The problem is there's no trust between them. Dante thinks he'll catch Franco. He wants Jason to be the bait. Jason doesn't think that'll work. Dante says he'll be back tomorrow.

Kristina continues to goad Olivia who wants to call Alexis. Olivia yells at Kristina and says her lies almost got Ethan killed and this time her lies are going to get more people killed. She also thinks it has to do with Kiefer. I really have no idea why Johnny isn't on Olivia's side. He knows this will all end in tears....blood. But then Kristina gets all out of control about her dad and how he degrades women....because that's what this idiocy is all about. And Johnny should know this and stop it. He finally gets Kristina to leave. Olivia can't believe how far this has gotten. Johnny wonders if Kristina was right about sleeping with him to protect Sonny.

Luke thinks Anthony will retaliate. Duh. Sonny again doesn't listen to reason. He says that Morgan is safe with Carly and Jax. Yeah...sure. Luke tries a different tactic by brining up Kristina saying she's going to know. But it's like talking to a three year old brick wall.

Patrick leaves with his overly bandaged hand. Steve and Lisa joke about it after he leaves.

Olivia and Johnny cry over spilled relationship.

Claire is pissed at being summoned by Jason....she argues against the gun thing. Jason argues for it.

Lulu comes to see Sonny. She tells him about Jason and Franco and the great 80s sitcom idea. She wants Sonny to make sure Jason doesn't escape. Sonny doesn't think Dante losing his badge would be a bad thing...because he's a dick. Finally he tells Lulu he'll make sure Jason doesn't run but he wants something in return. He wants her to stop talking badly about him to his kids.

Bar of one night stands: Patrick gets a beer at Jake's. Lisa comes in and spars/banters....and yeah, we all know where they'll end up.

Johnny and Olivia continue to break up for good. Olivia leaves in tears.

Claire is worried about Jason escaping and her losing her job. Jason tries to convince her that he has no reason to escape because he'd never be able to come home. She says if they're going to release Jason, it has to be on their terms.

Lulu is back at home wanting to cook for Michael. She tries not to be insulted when he suggests take-out. He guesses that Lulu went to see Sonny. Dante comes home and tells Lulu and Michael that Jason will be released tomorrow. She tells him about her talk with Sonny.

Sonny is a little irked that Lulu went to Sonny. They fight a little which is new. It's actually nice to see them argue like a normal couple. She doesn't want him to risk his life. He says it's his life to risk. She insists that his life is her life....or something more romantic and less wordy than that.

Brook arrives at Jake's and Coleman is happy to see her. She tells him about her metro-court gig that we've yet to see. She asks about Johnny.

Patrick and Lisa play pool and drink beer. Just get to it, already. He says something pretty flirty and egotistical to her which finally makes her get a back bone. She leaves. But for how long?

Brook continues to talk about Coleman's clientele. And....enter Johnny on cue. Brook goes to join him and manipulates her way into his night.

Olivia finds Lulu crying on the docks. Lulu tells her that Dante is stubborn and going to get himself thrown in prison.

Sonny goes to visit Jason. He tells Jason about the plan with Johnny. He also asks Jason not to run.

Patrick follows Lisa to her house. They yell about stupid stuff while I'm just waiting for them to kiss. He finally calls her bluff.

Olivia commiserates with Lulu about Dante. She knows how stubborn he can be. Lulu tells Olivia about the whole Jason/Franco plan.

Dante rues arguing with Lulu. He tells Michael about Jason being unarmed. Michael gets pissed that Jason won't have protection.

Jason still holds a grudge against Dante for putting Michael in prison. Sonny insists that Dante helped Michael get out but according to Jason, that's not enough. Oh and then something weird happens: Sonny talks some sense. Jason wants Dante behind bars to know the hell Michael went through....for a month. Sonny says that if Dante ends up in jail, Michael will be back there too. Words of wisdom...from Sonny's lips...against violence. Did I just see a pig fly outside my window?

And we end up on Patrick goading Lisa calling her on her shit. Again, Lisa makes fun of Patrick the daddy. And finally they kiss.

-end

May 28 2010

So I missed the last few days. I'm loving Claire's manipulation of Sonny. She's smart and I can see her brain working a mile a minute. Sonny's wrath and self-centeredness continues to make me want to throw beer bottles at the TV. I love Brook Lynn, although I'm not sure how they're writing her. Is she a money obsessed bitch who will do anything to live in the lap of luxury or does she actually feel for Lulu and Dante. Could she just be a complicated character and the answer is both? Nah...this is General Hospital. So let's start, shall we?

We're in Dante's pad with Lulu and the above mentioned Brook Lynn Ashton. Dante tries to convince Lulu to get Brook to sing at the metro-court. Lulu remembers that Brook used to have issues with singing for money. OMG. I just flash backed to that awful audition where all those sad extras had to sing "Milkshake". Oh and Dillon wore a dress.... Anyway, Brook is over that whole issue. It's fun to see Dante being manipulated by Brook.

Michael is pissed at Jason (the only guy in there protecting him) for confronting the guard.

Lucky and Claire argue about Sonny. He thinks that Sonny is manipulating Claire.....but she assures him it's the other way around.

Johnny is being held by Max, Milo and some other thugs because Sonny is too much of a pussy to handle him mano a mano. Johnny plays it cool until Olivia runs up to save her boy toy.

Credits: OK, so it seems they're flip flopping credits every day. One day is Epiphany and Matt and the other day is Steve and Lisa. Today? Steve and Lisa.

Kristina comes to see her cousin at Wyndemere. She asks about Spencer but Nikolas probably doesn't know. I'm sure he's around with the servants somewhere. Anyway, Kristina talks about Michael and how unfair it is. Nik can't help with Michael but tells Kristina that RoadKill's parents will be dropping the wrongful death lawsuit soon. Kristina admits that she misses RoadKill sometimes and then wonders if it sounds ridiculous. Nikolas says (yes) no. He then talks about his woes with Elizabeth.

Lucky worries about Claire. He's known Sonny for a long time and still thinks that Claire's going to be manipulated. Lucky asks a hypothetical, "Assuming you can't get both of them, who would you rather bust: Sonny or Johnny". Claire defiantly answers: "Who says we can't get both"? She admits that Sonny is very convincing but she knows his 'act'. Lucky says he's only known two woman who can hold their own against Sonny: Carly and Diane. Lucky talks about what a great guy Sonny can be and that's how he draws women in. He says that women want to "save him". Claire says she doesn't want to save him. She wants to put him away. Oh god. I hope she never folds. The wheels of cliche foreshadowing are getting me down. She goes on a rant about how awful Sonny is.

Olivia tries to convince Sonny to let Johnny go, though Johnny and Sonny want her to let it go. Finally Sonny, the sexist dick says, "Go on Johnny, let your girlfriend save your ass." Because girls can't be powerful! Girls can't fight! Only men smash!
Dick.

Jason tells Michael that he's there to protect him but he can only do that if he knows what happened. MIchael convinces him to let it go. He proves himself by blocking a test punch from Jason.

Lulu and Dante update Brook Lynn on the Michael situation. And the Carly wrath. Brook puts two and two together. She now knows the full reason why she's there.

CPPP makes an announcement over the GH loudspeaker telling everyone that all her jewelry is on sale. Epiphany angrily takes the phone away from her. CPPP doesn't apologize! She's got cancer! She can do what she wants! Elizabeth wheels her away.

Sonny, "Blah blah blah, women, blah blah blah, you shoulda been dead...blah blah blah." Johnny, "You're nothing without Jason...blah blah blah". Olivia, "Relax, you both have big dicks." Blah. Blah-fuckity-blah. They both threaten each other and...I don't care.

Lulu says she'll talk to Carly although she's a bit wary. Brook makes a break for it but Lulu and Dante convince her to stay for dinner so they can all talk about Benson-fucking-hurst. Brook tells a boring story when Lulu gets interrupted by a work emergency. She goes off leaving the too Brooklynites alone.

Carly visits Michael in jail and is alarmed to see his bruises. It's nice that Pentonville seems to have unlimited visiting hours.

Claire comments on Lucky's knowledge of Sonny's personal life. He tells her of his dad's past with Sonny. Claire hopes it won't be a conflict of interest but Lucky reassures her that it won't. I can't wait until they kiss. She flirts a little, asking him out under the guise of work. Helena interrupts telling Lucky to tell his "secretary" to get back to work because she needs his full attention. Ha! Claire seems amused rather than offended and goes off. After she leaves, Helena wants to know why Lucky won't "let" Elizabeth move to Wyndemere.

Liz mock scolds CPPP. She talks about Nikolas and Wyndemere and ultrasounds and CPPP eats the whole thing up like she's watching a soap opera. She thinks Elizabeth should reconsider living at Wyndemere.

Sam and Kristina walk down a the street with empty cups of coffee. These actors really need to learn how to hold cups and act like there's liquid inside. I mean that's like acting 101. Anyway, Kristina's going Pentonville to visit Michael and Sam wants to talk her out of it. When she realizes she can't, she tries to prepare Kristina for the prison set(ting).

Carly questions Michael about his injuries. Carly worries; Michael prattles. She tells him that Jax is working on getting him out. She also tells him that, "the one person responsible for putting you in here is Dante Falconeri." No one else is to blame. This week.

Sonny visits his eldest. Seriously, can Dante get a lock on his door? Not a great place for a cop to live.

Am I seriously only half way done with this shit? They don't pay me enough. Oh wait, they don't pay me.

Sonny is concerned about Olivia. *bleep-blop* Sonny leaves.

CPPP continues to try to convince Elizabeth to move in with Nikolas.

Also trying to convince someone to have Elizabeth move to Wyndemere? Helena. Lucky tries to tell her he has nothing to do with her decision but Helena's not listening. She thinks Lucky needs to be more pro-active.

Kristina's turn to visit. Michael jokes that he ran into a door. She jokes that he opened a cabinet and a can fell out and hit him in the eye. Ahh, abuse humor. She's come a long way.

Carly is now visiting Jason. She wants to know how he got his bruises. He says he doesn't know but tells her that he's teaching Michael how to fight. She tells herself more than Jason that Michael will get out of here and move on with his life. Sure.

Nikolas checks up on Elizabeth via phone when Lucky enters. He tells her about Helena's visit. Nikolas agrees with Helena that Lucky is responsible for Liz's decisions. Lucky's all perplexed about how cruel Nikolas has been. He blames Emily's death for changing Nikolas. Nikolas suggests that people have affairs all the time and then points out Lucky's affair with Maxie. Nik defends his child-rearing actions and threatens Lucky to stay out of the way.

Michael jokes about the food in prison. Kristina wants to know what she can do to help. He wants her to not take things for granted. He talks about how wonderful Port Charles is; he misses Kelly's and the coffee and french fries there. Times up.

Carly commiserates with Jason about Dante and Lulu although Jason wants her to stop focussing on them. But Carly is like a dog with a bone.

Brook Lynn is back at Dante's and they're cooking. Because that's what Italian's do. Italian's from Brooklyn. They cook! And they go to church!. And they reminisce about block parties! They get into talking about Sonny. Dante hates him but can admit that Sonny can be "nice".

He's not nice now when he gives Max the order to burn Johnny's stuff. Olivia barges in and tells Sonny to stop before he does something he'll regret. That would require a conscience, Olivia.

Nik and Lucky continue to have their little Cassadine/Spencer war. It almost comes to blows and Lucky finally lets it all out on Nikolas about how he cheated with Elizabeth. He compares him to his father who kidnapped Laura and forced her to bore his child. Nikolas responds with, "don't talk about fathers who commit rape. That's one fight you can't win." Duuuuude.

Gosh, they get a lot of visitors. Next on the list is Sam, visiting Jason. She tells him that she applied for a conjugal visit but she was denied because they're not married.

Lulu approaches Carly about Brook Lynn.

Dante and Brook continue to cook and to talk about cooking and Sonny and she even mentions Brenda.

Sonny and Olivia argue some more about Johnny. And of course he threatens Johnny's life again because that's what he does.

-end

May 25 2010

Retread of Carly telling Lulu not to tell Dante about the abortion. She elaborates by talking about Olivia and her choice. Lulu thinks she should tell Dante the truth.

Brook continues to promote ABC's parent company by singing "When You Wish Upon a Star". That cricket is turning over in his grave. Johnny wants to know who she is.

Liz apologizes for just stopping by to vent but she says tells Lucky she needs him more than ever.

Michael returns to his prison cell and has trouble sitting down. You'll get used to it, Mikey. He asks Jason how it went with Sonny.

Credits: Someone said yesterday that Matt and Epiphany were taken out of the credits for Lisa and Steven. I was all set to comment on this but either they were lying, or it was changed back the next day. Good thing too, because Matt finally got a story line!

Jason assures Michael that he didn't say anything to Sonny. Michael perpetuates the lie that a guard beat him...which I guess is half true. He's also upset to learn that he's messing up Jason's personal life and his business. Jason doesn't regret his decision.

Brook reunites with Dante. She tells him that Lois is touring Europe and living in London. Maxie moves in to tell this bitch to back off on Lulu's behalf but Dante says it's ok because Brook is an old friend. Maxie admits to knowing Brook Lynn and informs Dante that she used to live in Port Charles. Johnny joins the party and Maxie tells everyone that Brook is a Quartermaine. Now that captain exposition has reared his ugly head, can we get going with the plot? Maya is next to join the gang and tells Brook Lynn that they're related. I guess not.

Carly argues against Lulu telling Dante the truth although she claims it's Lulu's decision. Lulu says she'll play it by ear and goes off to Jake's.

Liz talks about how awful Nikolas has been acting. Lucky sympathizes but he says he won't get involved. She wonders if he even cares if she moved to Wyndemere.

Still kidnapped? Tracy. Oh yeah! Skye comes to the haunted star to tell Luke she has news about Tracy. Edward found out that Fiji was a lie. Luke figures out that Tracy has been kidnapped and knows exactly who it is.

Tracy is still wearing the same clothes in her little cell. Helena thinks Luke just doesn't even want to find Tracy. They reference the Wizard of Oz too many times in one minute for my tastes and then Helena finally threatens to kill Tracy if Luke doesn't show up soon.

Luke doesn't know how he could have missed the obvious clues. Skye is pleasantly surprised at how much Luke loves Tracy.

Helena and Tracy snark and banter.

Lucky tries not to care about Elizabeth moving to Wyndemere. She's surprised that he's so laid back about it knowing she would never move to Wyndemere. He says it's up to her.

Lulu comes to Jake's and reunites with Brook. Dante is surprised that they know each other. Lulu likes the idea but Maxie doesn't. Brook feigns that she didn't know about Dante and Lulu's relationship. She jokes that she has tons of dirt on Dante.

Reunion at Jake's: Lulu, Dante and Brook all joke around about Dante's cheesy pick-up lines and how they got together. He tells Brook about Sonny being his father. She again feigns surprise. She then jokes about Lulu stealing Dillon from Georgie. Dante is glad to hear about the dirt but Lulu drags him away. Alone, Brook gets a drink to which Johnny saddles up and pays for. Olivia joins them, surprised to see Brook. She puts her arm around Johnny and it's Brook's turn to really be surprised.

Metro-Court bar: Claire joins Jax. They talk about Jason being in jail. I don't like Jax's new buzzed head. She wonders if Jax has had any luck getting through to higher powers regarding Michael. He hasn't. However, he was "told" that if Sonny goes to prison, it will pave way for Michael's release.

Jason asks Michael about the "schedule" in Pentonville. Michael tells him all about the rigorous schedule. Jason wonders about free time. Michael's voice beings to waver as he tells Jason about the cell doors being open for a while after dinner and then once they're shut, "Nobody's supposed to be able to get in".

To Elizabeth's chagrin, Nikolas is sitting in her house. He's upset because Elizabeth was kicked at work by a guy having a seizure. I'm surprised this is the first time she's been kicked. They continue to argue about it.

Claire visits Lucky. She apologizes about her meltdown in the park. He doesn't think there's anything to be sorry about but she assures him that it won't happen again. Getting to the point, she tells him that she wants to build a case against Sonny that will stick this time. He thinks she's ambitious which she takes as a compliment. She wants his help.

Carly stops by the Metro-Court bar where Jax is still drinking. He tells her about Claire and Jason and Morgan's adoption. He wants to know what happens next. She says after he becomes Morgan's legal father, they move on with their divorce.

Lucky keeps crossing his legs like a lady. Anyway, Claire wonders about some cases involving Jason and Sonny. She noticed that he's excused himself from some cases citing "conflict of interest". He says it's personal. She says that's ok, but she wants to know if this "conflict" will stop him from going after Sonny. He says it won't but he doesn't want it to be part of a personal vendetta.

Jason talks about how he wanted/wants a better life for Michael. (too late) He doesn't think Michael's prepared to be in prison. He wants to teach Michael how to defend himself. (too late) They plan to start tomorrow.

The Catholic Italians boozing it up at Jake's talk about not messing with God etc until Maxie drags Brook Lynn away. On the other side of Jake's, Maya assumes Ethan is now in the mob. She thinks he's an idiot and wonders why he would be involved in "all that crap". Asked and answered. He says he likes living on the edge and it pays a lot. Maya excuses herself. She ain't playin'.
Brook asks Maxie if Johnny and Olivia are really dating each other. Maxie gives her attitude about the whole thing.

Dante is happy to bring Lulu home but she has other things on her mind. He talks about how crazy it was seeing Brook. He knows something is going on with Lulu and wants to know what. She says what she has to tell him is hard. He tells her that nothing she says is going to change his opinion of her. Just wait... She starts to tell him about Dillon and getting pregnant and finally about the abortion.

Nik and Elizabeth? Still fighting. And it's not that it's not interesting. I like the dynamic of these two actors fighting, it's just that there's nothing really new. After telling him that she's going to raise the baby herself, she kicks him out for the second time this week. (night?) He then threatens her that the "days of ordering [him] around are over".

Claire is offended by Lucky's insinuation thinking he was bringing up the baby meltdown again. She calms down when he explains that he was just talking about Sonny. He goes on to talk about this forcefield (Guza) around Sonny that's hard to penetrate. He warns her about losing her soul going after Sonny. She insists that it won't happen to her. Famous last words. They finally make a deal to work together.

Jason gives Michael his pillow to help him sleep. Then he tells Michael that they'll be warmer if they sleep in the same bed. Body heat, ya know? Kidding! Lights out!

Lulu continues to ramble about abortions and Olivia and Dante. Dante says it makes him love her and respect her even more. He goes on to tell her that he won't judge her for making a difficult decision. Right answer, Dante. That's my boy.

Brook reports to Carly. She tells him about everything and thinks it's going to take really long to convert Dante into a cheater. Carly, in turn, gives her all the incentive she needs including a 50 thousand bonus check if she gets it on video. I seriously need to move to Port Charles if these people are throwing all this money around.

-end

May 24 2010

NYC is a large place; How did Carly find Brook Lynn? Who cares. OK - Carly is trying to convince Brook to take money in exchange for helping her. Brook sidesteps but you know she's going to take the deal. She reminds us that she doesn't get her trust fund money until she's 30 and her parents aren't exactly thrilled with her. I wonder if Lois and Ned are back together. Brook wants Carly to get to the point. Carly mentions Dante.

Also sidestepping? Lulu. She claims she's busy with work. Dante thinks Lulu is all frazzled because of Michael. She talks about secrets and the "right time to tell them".

Sonny picks up his phone as instructed by Johnny. He gets some bad news. Johnny mentions some Italian names who are working with him now. Sonny makes an empty threat about killing Johnny.

Jason enters Michael's cell. Michael looks like Liz did on Valentine's day years before. He's totally shellshocked. Don't worry, Mikey - it usually only hurts the first time. Jason tries to get through to him.

Credits: I can't make fun of Matt anymore since he appeared twice in one week so... Monica, "Hey remember me? I'm a veteran!"

At the hospital, Lucky runs into Maya who is on her way out. He asks if she's seen Elizabeth. He was supposed to take the kids home but apparently Liz took them home.

At Liz's house, the kids are running rampant while Elizabeth has a headache. Nikolas is at the door. She forgot her ultra-sound appointment. Nikolas takes it personally for some reason.

Brook recounts the Falconeri/Cerillo connections. Yeah they all knew each other. Carly tells Brook about Sonny being Dante's father. She's surprised but enjoys the gossip.

Sonny holds the gun on Johnny but has no intention of using it. Johnny is just as smug. They both threaten each other and it's so boring. Sonny hides his gun as Ethan and Claire run in. Sonny is pissed at Max for being a bad bodyguard. Claire wants to know what she's doing there. Johnny says he wants to report an attempted murder. His. Points for creativity, Johnny but it's just so stupid. Any court would see that it's a set up.

Jason tries to talk Michael out of the shellshock but has no idea what happened. Right now he just thinks that Michael has been beaten up a little. Michael just rocks back and forth. Jason tries to distract him with other talk. Talk about the beach on the island snaps Michael out of it a little. And no, they're not talking about the final episode of Lost.

Johnny tells Claire that Sonny was holding a gun on him but the gun has already been hidden. He blames Ethan for being late. Claire asks Sonny if he really wants to be on trial for murder so soon after his last trial. Sonny blames Claire for Michael's conviction because he's a hypocritical dick. Sonny kicks everyone out but Claire stays. Sonny snarks that she's working for Johnny. She says she has probable cause to search the place because of what took place and reminds him that she heard him talk about killing Ethan. He tells her to go ahead and says he's going to visit Michael, whose conviction he again blames on Claire because he's a hypocritical dick.

Jason still thinks Michael was just hit and interrogates him about it. Michael doesn't want to talk about it. When Jason goes to touch him, Michael flinches. He blames himself for Jason being in there. Maybe Michael owes him a lil' somethin' somethin'. Hey, it's not rape if it's consensual.

Brook realizes that Carly wants her to go up to Port Charles to sleep with Dante. After she protests that she's not a hooker, Brook finalizes the deal by getting free room and board at the Metro-Court, unlimited spa and room service access. Also? She wants to sing there. I'm getting my plane ticket....now. Where is this magical place called Port Charles where people pay you big bucks to sleep with hot men?

Dante isn't sure what's going on but he wants to skip the argument and make up. Lulu doesn't think he has anything to be sorry about. They rehash the whole Michael decision and I'm bored. Phone! It's Claire. She wants Dante to come to Sonny's. Dante leaves with plans to get a drink with Lulu later at Jake's.

Nikolas doesn't think the baby is Liz's priority. Liz doesn't think that's fair. Lucky shows up and Liz realizes that it's his night with the kids. She's sorry that it slipped her mind. Lucky takes them away. Nik starts to fight again. Nik thinks two kids, being pregnant and a full time job is too much for her and wants to know what she's going to do about it.

It's Matt! Maxie shows up to Jake's with an awful haircut. She feigns that she's there to meet him as a friend.
Johnny and Ethan arrive at Jake's all happy with themselves and order shots to celebrate. Ethan turns and bumps into Maya causing her to spill her beer all over herself.

Claire tells Dante about what happened with Johnny and Sonny. She wants his help to search the house.

Michael wants to know about home. Jason tells him a little about Kristina. They talk about Carly and Dante. Jason admits that he hates Dante. Michael asks Jason not to tell anybody about how he was when he first arrived - all shellshocked and stuff. Jason talks about Brenda and how when he didn't talk, it drove her crazy. He says sometimes he didn't talk just to annoy her. HA! The guard comes over to tell Michael his dad is there.

In the visiting room, Sonny wants to know right away who hit him. Sonny says that Jason will be there to protect him. Michael wants Sonny to know that he's not as weak as Sonny thinks he is.

Elizabeth blames the hormones. Nik thinks she's doing too much. They fight and argue and... He wants her to live at Wyndemere and not work. She says she'll never move to Wyndemere.

Dante makes excuses about not searching the house. Claire thinks Dante is just protecting his father and can't even admit that Sonny shot him. He finally admits it to Claire's surprise and amusement but she says it doesn't do them any good now. It doesn't? Is the statute of limitations 3 months for attempted murder?! Why doesn't she go and arrest Sonny right now? He self-flagellates, she snarks. Did I mention I love Claire?

"Warden Powell" comes to visit Jason. He says he was wary about assigning Michael and Jason as cellmates but he went along with it...although he doesn't say why. He tells Jason that if he gets into any fights, he'll put Jason in solitary for the rest of his term and Michael will get another cellmate. Jason agrees but has a request.

Sonny wants to be all protective dad. (too late) He infers that Michael got beat up because of him. Michael insists he'll be fine. Sonny says he's trying to get him released and tells him to stay out of trouble.

Ethan tries to clean Maya up and accidently cops a feel. Maya takes over. He says he found a new lucrative job and will buy her a new shirt.

Matt and Maxie talk about Milan. She's impressed that he knows so much. She excuses herself to say hi to Johnny. Johnny wonders where Spinelli is. She tells him he's all depressed. Maxie tells Johnny of her plan to rile Spinelli up. Oops, Matt overhears, gets mad and leaves.

Nik and Liz fight some more. He brings up the past. She regrets that they ever slept together and she says she regrets that he's the baby daddy. He threatens that that's the worst thing she could have said to him. She finally kicks him out.

Michael comes back to his cell. A guard takes Michael away and the other guard tells Jason he has a visitor too. He's brought to see Sonny. Sonny makes his second death threat of the episode. Seriously, Sonny? Stop with all the fucking death threats. Who in Port Charles hasn't Sonny threatened?

Liz goes to visit Lucky. She tells him all about Nikolas.

Sonny, "I appreciate what you're doing...but you left me in a hell of a mess." For fucking seriously? Jason is in fucking jail and you're going to make a....oh for... I can't. I quit! I fucking quit. Breathe in. Breathe out. And I'm back. Sonny tells Jason about Johnny and Ethan and Claire. Sonny makes plans to crush Johnny.

Michael is with the prison doc.

Mode Lite! Carly rushes in to see Lulu. She says she's changed her mind and doesn't think Lulu should tell Dante about the abortion.

Dante arrives at Jake's to hear Brook Lynn singing "When you wish upon a star". Thanks, Disney. Yes, we all know ABC is owned by Disney.

Fuckers.

-end