May 25 2010

Retread of Carly telling Lulu not to tell Dante about the abortion. She elaborates by talking about Olivia and her choice. Lulu thinks she should tell Dante the truth.

Brook continues to promote ABC's parent company by singing "When You Wish Upon a Star". That cricket is turning over in his grave. Johnny wants to know who she is.

Liz apologizes for just stopping by to vent but she says tells Lucky she needs him more than ever.

Michael returns to his prison cell and has trouble sitting down. You'll get used to it, Mikey. He asks Jason how it went with Sonny.

Credits: Someone said yesterday that Matt and Epiphany were taken out of the credits for Lisa and Steven. I was all set to comment on this but either they were lying, or it was changed back the next day. Good thing too, because Matt finally got a story line!

Jason assures Michael that he didn't say anything to Sonny. Michael perpetuates the lie that a guard beat him...which I guess is half true. He's also upset to learn that he's messing up Jason's personal life and his business. Jason doesn't regret his decision.

Brook reunites with Dante. She tells him that Lois is touring Europe and living in London. Maxie moves in to tell this bitch to back off on Lulu's behalf but Dante says it's ok because Brook is an old friend. Maxie admits to knowing Brook Lynn and informs Dante that she used to live in Port Charles. Johnny joins the party and Maxie tells everyone that Brook is a Quartermaine. Now that captain exposition has reared his ugly head, can we get going with the plot? Maya is next to join the gang and tells Brook Lynn that they're related. I guess not.

Carly argues against Lulu telling Dante the truth although she claims it's Lulu's decision. Lulu says she'll play it by ear and goes off to Jake's.

Liz talks about how awful Nikolas has been acting. Lucky sympathizes but he says he won't get involved. She wonders if he even cares if she moved to Wyndemere.

Still kidnapped? Tracy. Oh yeah! Skye comes to the haunted star to tell Luke she has news about Tracy. Edward found out that Fiji was a lie. Luke figures out that Tracy has been kidnapped and knows exactly who it is.

Tracy is still wearing the same clothes in her little cell. Helena thinks Luke just doesn't even want to find Tracy. They reference the Wizard of Oz too many times in one minute for my tastes and then Helena finally threatens to kill Tracy if Luke doesn't show up soon.

Luke doesn't know how he could have missed the obvious clues. Skye is pleasantly surprised at how much Luke loves Tracy.

Helena and Tracy snark and banter.

Lucky tries not to care about Elizabeth moving to Wyndemere. She's surprised that he's so laid back about it knowing she would never move to Wyndemere. He says it's up to her.

Lulu comes to Jake's and reunites with Brook. Dante is surprised that they know each other. Lulu likes the idea but Maxie doesn't. Brook feigns that she didn't know about Dante and Lulu's relationship. She jokes that she has tons of dirt on Dante.

Reunion at Jake's: Lulu, Dante and Brook all joke around about Dante's cheesy pick-up lines and how they got together. He tells Brook about Sonny being his father. She again feigns surprise. She then jokes about Lulu stealing Dillon from Georgie. Dante is glad to hear about the dirt but Lulu drags him away. Alone, Brook gets a drink to which Johnny saddles up and pays for. Olivia joins them, surprised to see Brook. She puts her arm around Johnny and it's Brook's turn to really be surprised.

Metro-Court bar: Claire joins Jax. They talk about Jason being in jail. I don't like Jax's new buzzed head. She wonders if Jax has had any luck getting through to higher powers regarding Michael. He hasn't. However, he was "told" that if Sonny goes to prison, it will pave way for Michael's release.

Jason asks Michael about the "schedule" in Pentonville. Michael tells him all about the rigorous schedule. Jason wonders about free time. Michael's voice beings to waver as he tells Jason about the cell doors being open for a while after dinner and then once they're shut, "Nobody's supposed to be able to get in".

To Elizabeth's chagrin, Nikolas is sitting in her house. He's upset because Elizabeth was kicked at work by a guy having a seizure. I'm surprised this is the first time she's been kicked. They continue to argue about it.

Claire visits Lucky. She apologizes about her meltdown in the park. He doesn't think there's anything to be sorry about but she assures him that it won't happen again. Getting to the point, she tells him that she wants to build a case against Sonny that will stick this time. He thinks she's ambitious which she takes as a compliment. She wants his help.

Carly stops by the Metro-Court bar where Jax is still drinking. He tells her about Claire and Jason and Morgan's adoption. He wants to know what happens next. She says after he becomes Morgan's legal father, they move on with their divorce.

Lucky keeps crossing his legs like a lady. Anyway, Claire wonders about some cases involving Jason and Sonny. She noticed that he's excused himself from some cases citing "conflict of interest". He says it's personal. She says that's ok, but she wants to know if this "conflict" will stop him from going after Sonny. He says it won't but he doesn't want it to be part of a personal vendetta.

Jason talks about how he wanted/wants a better life for Michael. (too late) He doesn't think Michael's prepared to be in prison. He wants to teach Michael how to defend himself. (too late) They plan to start tomorrow.

The Catholic Italians boozing it up at Jake's talk about not messing with God etc until Maxie drags Brook Lynn away. On the other side of Jake's, Maya assumes Ethan is now in the mob. She thinks he's an idiot and wonders why he would be involved in "all that crap". Asked and answered. He says he likes living on the edge and it pays a lot. Maya excuses herself. She ain't playin'.
Brook asks Maxie if Johnny and Olivia are really dating each other. Maxie gives her attitude about the whole thing.

Dante is happy to bring Lulu home but she has other things on her mind. He talks about how crazy it was seeing Brook. He knows something is going on with Lulu and wants to know what. She says what she has to tell him is hard. He tells her that nothing she says is going to change his opinion of her. Just wait... She starts to tell him about Dillon and getting pregnant and finally about the abortion.

Nik and Elizabeth? Still fighting. And it's not that it's not interesting. I like the dynamic of these two actors fighting, it's just that there's nothing really new. After telling him that she's going to raise the baby herself, she kicks him out for the second time this week. (night?) He then threatens her that the "days of ordering [him] around are over".

Claire is offended by Lucky's insinuation thinking he was bringing up the baby meltdown again. She calms down when he explains that he was just talking about Sonny. He goes on to talk about this forcefield (Guza) around Sonny that's hard to penetrate. He warns her about losing her soul going after Sonny. She insists that it won't happen to her. Famous last words. They finally make a deal to work together.

Jason gives Michael his pillow to help him sleep. Then he tells Michael that they'll be warmer if they sleep in the same bed. Body heat, ya know? Kidding! Lights out!

Lulu continues to ramble about abortions and Olivia and Dante. Dante says it makes him love her and respect her even more. He goes on to tell her that he won't judge her for making a difficult decision. Right answer, Dante. That's my boy.

Brook reports to Carly. She tells him about everything and thinks it's going to take really long to convert Dante into a cheater. Carly, in turn, gives her all the incentive she needs including a 50 thousand bonus check if she gets it on video. I seriously need to move to Port Charles if these people are throwing all this money around.

-end

March 15 2010

Beginning week three of unemployment. On the plus side, I'm eating like a horse. YAY!

Sam gives Ethan an earful about staying away from Kristina. He tries to defend himself but then Sam goes off about Ethan physically hurting Kristina. Ethan is surprised to hear about 'bruises'.

Back at the real house of physical violence, Kristina tries to crawl away from Keifer and it's just a really awful scene of Keifer pushing Kristina down over and over.

More manhandling! Helena manhandles the lab tech, Larry. She wants to know where the results to the paternity test are since she paid him to be able to see them first. He says they'll be ready in an hour but they're interrupted by Steven. He shoos Larry the lab tech away and asks Helena what business she has with the lab.

Lucky has been summoned to Crazy's room. She asks Lucky if he wants the baby to be his.

Jason wants to talk to Sonny in private. Dante tries to get more info on Michael's whereabouts. He implores Sonny to do the right thing.

Wow, five scenes in the teaser which brings us to....credits!

Helena doesn't appreciate impertinence! Thanks for always upping my vocabulary, Helena. She tells Steven that it's her family's money that's paying for the hospital and she can talk to whomever she pleases. She even threatens him with talk of skeletons in closets. Looks like Steven may have one. Who am I kidding, everyone in Port Chuck has one. Or three.

Lucky avoids Crazy's question by being vague and saying the right thing. She wants a real answer. He gives it to her: "I want to be away from you, Elizabeth." He thinks a kid will keep them trapped in something that doesn't work. She tries to accept the truth with a smile but gets him out of there.

Kate and Lulu rush Maxie to the hospital. Epiphany and Robin aren't happy with her. Kate even uncharacteristically takes the blame for being bitch-boss. Maxie tells them she's OK and just wants drugs but Robin asks Epiphany to page Monica(!), the cardiologist. Maxie looks scared for the first time.

Sonny tells Dante he's helping Michael "the best way [he] knows how." Well....Dante is giving you a better way! See how that works? Jason says that Sonny doesn't have to justify anything. Sonny and Jason argue whether Dante is welcome in Sonny's house. Dante thinks that Sonny is just protecting himself from going to prison. After Dante leaves, Jason wants to know if Sonny was planning on telling his son the truth.

Sam confirms that Kristina has bruises. Ethan tells her everything that happened with Kristina earlier but Sam doesn't quite believe him. Luke tries to intervene but Sam and Ethan continue to tear into each other's throats. Luke finally tells Sam that although he thinks Ethan could have handled it better, everything he said was true. Sam thinks it's a case of male chauvinism saying "she got what she deserved."

Poor Kristina is sobbing on the floor with bruises while Keifer really goes off the deep end, crying and saying awful cliche things like, "Look what you made me do". And while his whole act is cliche, it's still pretty accurate. He runs off while my stomach turns.

Kate asks Robin how Maxie is. Robin tells Kate that physically it's too early to tell but then snits about how she's doing emotionally due to work. After she walks off, Lulu tries to comfort Kate by telling her that they're used to her bitchy-bossness. But Kate's heart grew three sizes that day. She says that maybe they shouldn't take that from her. She gives Lulu the night off.
Spin rolls by and Lulu points him to Maxie's room. Inside, he starts to go ballistic about all the tubes and machines but Monica(!) tells him to dial it down. Maxie tells him not to worry.

Sam is very tiring criticizing Ethan and Luke. Ethan tries to defend himself again and leaves. Luke tells Sam that Ethan would never take advantage of an underage girl but Sam thinks he doesn't know that much about Ethan. She warns Ethan again before leaving. Luke tells Ethan that he has to keep his temper in check. Ethan says he needs to handle this on his own. He goes off, presumably to find Kristina. Oh gosh, I sense bad things.

Alexis and Molly are enjoying a sundae at Kelly's. Mmmm. That looks good. They talk about reading and writing and Alexis mentions her dad. Mikos, right? She waxes on a little about her childhood without really revealing anything. Dante comes by and sits with the girls. Molly talks about how awesome it is sitting with two people who are highly involved with Sonny's trial. She wants to know the inside scoop from them. Precocious little brat, ain't she?

Sonny doesn't know what's right anymore! That's quite an admission. Sonny thinks Dante would be compassionate if he knew the truth. Jason thinks Sonny doesn't want Dante to think that he's capable of beating a woman to death.

Sonny admits he doesn't want Dante to think of him as an abuser of women. But a killer of women is OK? I know Sonny didn't kill Claudia, but he would have. He wasn't just going to let her go. And didn't he kill Faith too? This is going to give me a headache if I think about it too much. He talks about Deke and his mom. Jason implores Sonny not to tell Dante the truth. After Jason leaves, Sonny calls Michael.

Molly is nosy and tactless but she makes for wonderfully awkward situations. Dante tells her he can't really discuss the case which she understands. Molly goes on about family which Dante says is the best part about the whole mess. He's always wanted to have brothers and sisters and a cute little annoying cousin. He also says that hell will freeze over before he calls Sonny, 'dad' and mean it. I'm glad he added the last part because he did call Sonny 'dad' the other day. But didn't mean it.
Lucky comes in and calls Dante over. Although he doesn't want to admit it, Dante thinks Michael will be the star witness for the prosecution.

The Haunted Star has been cleaned out. Tracy comes in and congratulates Luke on a great night. She sees that Luke isn't too happy. He's "sick of [himself]" and "stuck in parental hell". Hee. Tracy feels his pain. He tells Tracy about Ethan's stalker, Kristina.

Ethan is at the Davis house and finds Kristina on the floor. He carries her out of the house but not before she deliriously strikes out at him.

Dante and Lucky want to find Michael. They talk about the Corinthos clan and how all this must be tearing Michael up inside. Lucky gets a phone call and Lulu stops by Kelly's. Lucky leaves to interview an assault victim, presumably Kristina. Lulu thinks he's working too hard to get away from the Elizabeth drama. She also hopes that he's not her baby daddy.

Nikolas pops by to see Crazy. She tells him about the conversation she had with Lucky.

Luke tells Tracy about what happened between Ethan and Kristina although it seems that most of the story was told during the commercial break (Thank God!). Luke: "She comes in here dressed like a baby hooker." Hee! Tracy agrees that Ethan isn't the type to take advantage of a young girl. Luke is worried about daddy Corinthos. Luke's decided he's going to stop worrying about it.

Ethan runs into the ER carrying Kristina and yelling for help.

Robin tells Patrick how worried she is about Maxie. She compares Maxie's situation to her own. She gets paged and goes off to answer it. Epiphany brings Patrick in to see Kristina. He gets Epiphany to book an OR and thinks Kristina may have head trauma. He asks Ethan what happened. Ethan says he found her like that but it doesn't look like Patrick believes him. This is giving me an icky feeling.

Jason lends an ear to Spinelli as he whines. He's come to a decision. He thinks he's bad for Maxie and wants to let her go.

Mac doesn't know who to be mad at. Maxie asks Robin for help. Robin speechifies about getting caught up with their lives and not taking care of themselves. Maxie's response is to ask for Spinelli. She wants to look for him but Mac says that's not going to happen. Monica(!) comes in and tells Maxie that she has pneumonia which is causing strain on her heart.

Dante ordered Lulu some fries to which she is extremely grateful. Grateful enough to finally give it up? Seriously - find a room. He asks her if Maxie is going to be OK. She replies, "Yeah, of course - there's no other acceptable outcome." That's such a cute little 'aww' moment. They talk about food which somehow leads to Sonny. He tells her about his conversation with Sonny which he think went well until Jason showed up. Oh gosh, he's going to find out the truth and then protect Sonny and they'll all be having dinner together by Christmas. No, Easter.

Sonny has a drink on his own. He gets a call from Patrick regarding Kristina.

Alexis comes home to see the mess. She frantically calls out for Kristina until her phone rings. It's Epiphany telling her about Kristina.

Steven tells Lucky that Kristina may not be available for questioning any time soon. He chooses to wait anyway. Steven wonders who could have done this. Patrick, "Obviously someone who doesn't know who her father is." Outside, Lucky sees Ethan and his scratched face. He tells her what happened at the Davis house. Ethan wants to take off but Lucky says he'll need an official statement. Ethan leaves anyway. Oh, the ick.

Nikolas and Crazy talk more about Lucky and his decisions. Nikolas informs her that he had the paternity test sped up and they should hear about it soon.

It's ready now! Larry the Lab Tech brings the test results to Helena. I guess we'll find out tomorrow.

Ethan pours a drink at the Haunted Star when Tracy notices his face.

Alexis and Sonny show up at the hospital. Lucky asks what happened. They all want to know who hurt her. Kristina lies and says it was Ethan. Why, Kristina, why? ICK. This whole episode was full of ick.

Time for that PSA.

-end

March 4, 2010

Day four of unemployment and it's hard to keep track of days! I can't believe it's Thursday.

Here we go:

We repeat a bit of what we saw yesterday with Lucky chasing a masked Johnny. Nikolas is signing the trust papers and Elizabeth is getting her test. And bang!

Nikolas wants Alexis to file the paperwork asap. As an attorney, she'll do it but as his aunt, she wants to just burn the papers up because she thinks this will make Elizabeth and the baby targets for Helena.

Crazy is relieved that the test is over. Kelly tells her that she'll know the results in a few days.

Johnny's bullet apparently missed because Lucky is hiding beyond the doorway while Johnny continues to shoot. Johnny jumps over the ledge.

Claire is waiting for Jason at his pad. Sam has let her in. She snarkily compliments Jason on his coffee saying she expects nothing less from a major coffee importer and then tells him that she's glad he's there so she doesn't have to wait for a judge to issue a warrant for his arrest.

Credits; I hope this Claire chick gets a contract but it will be at least 5 years before we see her on the opening credits.

Jason has nothing to say without his attorney. Claire continues to snark about Jason's familiarity with the legal system and then tells him she's calling him to be a witness at Sonny's trial.

Carly is looking for Jax at the metro-court. She finds him and asks him how he slept the previous night thinking her sex-plan worked. It didn't. Jax plays it cool and asks Carly to remember to bring something of Josselyn's the next time she comes over.

Alexis worries more about Helena but Nikolas thinks it'll be fine. Alexis is also worried that Nikolas' motive is to endear himself to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth comes back to nurse's station. Kelly, Epiphany and Robin reassure her that she's well loved there and that her job is ready for her when she's better. Elizabeth is just worried about the results of the paternity test.

Lucky finds Dante at the PCPD when he gets back. He looks all nervous about starting his first day and asks Lucky about the the call. He tells Dante about it and says he's sure it's John Zacchara.

Jax pretends to talk about business but he's really teasing Carly with talk of satin sheets and orgasmic chocolate. She excuses herself. To change? After she's gone, he asks "Joey" at the front desk if Carly was asking about him. What happened to the Asian guy? Jax is pleased to hear that Carly asked about him the moment she walked in the door.

Nik makes it clear that Lucky and Elizabeth are finished. He loves Elizabeth but doesn't think Elizabeth knows what she wants right now. Alexis' advice: "Typically what starts out badly rarely ends well." And she should know. He says if he had to do it all over again, he'd tell Lucky the truth from the beginning and despite everything, he loves Elizabeth.

Maxie is playing hooky from work at Jake's waiting for Spinelli. She bribes Coleman not to tell Kate. She wants to put on some country music and dance with Spinelli and then have sex in her boots. Weird girl. Johnny limps in and orders a bottle of whiskey. Maxie asks him if he's hurt. He says he feels good and takes a big ol' swig.

Lucky tells Dante more about the hit he just stopped. Dante knows that Bernie's is the heart of the organization and also gives some info about Max and Milo's M.O.s involving ex-presidential masks after Lucky pulls out the Clinton mask from a paper bag. They both figure that whoever did this, knows as much as Dante knows. They think that Johnny might just level the playing field with Sonny and Lucky says that Johnny hasn't done too much harm yet. Dante reminds him that he shot at a cop. ...Like your dad? Lucky says it's ok because Johnny was aiming to miss.

Claire thinks Jason will make the perfect witness. She talks a big game about how much she's researched him and how prepared she is. Jason gets her to leave. I hope Claire's bite is worse than her bark.

Robin has brought Elizabeth back to her room at Shadybrook. She thanks Robin for all she's done and then goes on about how stressed she is and how Nikolas brought the kids to see her. She feels like a "bad mom". Robin stopped by Audrey's (when?) and has a card for Elizabeth from the boys. Elizabeth just can't wait to find out the results.

Nikolas talks about Lucky and Elizabeth's history. He admits that the baby could bring them together. He brings up Alexis and Sonny as an example. What? Alexis: "Listen, Sonny and I are not a situation to emulate on any level." Sing it, girl. Nikolas: "Your relationship has evolved to a point where you can defend him on murder charges". Touché, Nikolas. Touché.

Spinelli tells Maxie that someone tried to get into Bernie's place and eluded capture by jumping down two stories. Johnny, who overhears, thinks this is great and wants to toast! Spinelli knows it was Johnny and tells him he doesn't want to toast his path to destruction. Spinelli tells Maxie that he's worried that Johnny will destroy himself. Maxie understands that Johnny wants Sonny to pay for what he did to Johnny's sister.

Lucky says he tries to put his friendship with Sonny aside when going to work. Dante brings up the old adage, "love the sinner, hate the sin" which his mom always told him. Lucky says Dante's mom is a wise woman. Really? I think that's the worst, hypocritical, judgmental, self-important, condescending saying of all times. Lucky says he doesn't know what he'd do if he had to go after Luke the way they're going after Sonny. Dante says Sonny needs to be stopped and Lucky agrees. Ronnie (!) comes out of the interrogation room telling Dante and Lucky that the Feds have put together task-force to take down the mob in Port Charles including the three of them. Whoo hoo! It's like the A-team. Dante gets to be Face.

Carly receives the proofs from Josselyn's christening. Jax comes to look. They try to reconcile saying they want to fight for each other but Carly is still upset that Jax hasn't apologized for setting Sonny up.

Ronnie and Dante question each other's ethics or lack-of.

Maxie understands what it's like to have a sister murdered but Spinelli says revenge is not the answer. She admires Johnny for taking on his cause, having no one to back him up. At the bar, Coleman tells Johnny that his place is neutral territory. Ethan joins Johnny at the bar. Johnny tells him that Lucky showed up before he could get inside Bernie's.

Jason is getting a call from Bernie telling him about the break-in when Lucky shows up. He warns Jason not to go after Johnny because it's his job.

Nikolas arrives at the hospital asking Epiphany about Elizabeth. She tells Nik to ask Robin which he does. Robin assures Nikolas that Elizabeth is fine. Robin feels bad for not giving Nikolas better advice but he says it's OK.

Helena tells the lab technician that she wants to be the first to know the paternity of Elizabeth's baby and then she'll decide what to tell Lucky and Nikolas.

Nikolas tells Robin that she hopes things work out between him and Elizabeth and thanks Robin for her help. He walks over to the room that Helena is in.

Lucky wants Jason to understand that he'll take care of Johnny. Jason asks him if someone was trying to kill Luke, would he stand by? Lucky: "With all the people my dad has pissed off, I'd say he deserves it." Hee. Jason: "But would you stand by?" Lucky: "No." Jason: "Exactly." Well you showed him, Jason... And showed us your daddy-issues. Before he leaves, Lucky pleads one last time for Jason to stay out of it.

Johnny doesn't think the day was a full wash but I'm still unclear as to why. Ethan misses the cash but was happy to hang out with the "bombshell blonde" [sic]. He leaves to find her. Spinelli can tell that Maxie is drawn to Johnny. She says she's just worried about him as a friend, but he thinks she's attracted to the danger.

Jax and Carly argue the same old arguments. She still thinks it's all about Jax's vendetta. He can't believe she'd continue to endanger her kids after what happened with Michael. He makes it clear that he'll never allow Josselyn near Sonny. After he storms off, Carly finds something amongst the christening photos.

Lisa stops Nikolas before he goes into the conference room.

Crazy hangs up the pictures her kids drew. Alexis pays her a visit and comforts her and gives her some words of advice. Alexis brings up the trust.

I can't wait for the Oscars but when the announcer in this ad says "the hottest stars', they show four actors who will never win an Oscar. Namely, Taylor Lautner, Kirsten Stewart, Zac Efron and Miley Cirus.

Elizabeth is confused as to why Nikolas is setting up a trust. Alexis says that she just wants to make sure everyone is secure. Elizabeth tells Alexis that she's made it clear she's not going to be with Nikolas. Alexis lies that Nikolas isn't trying to change her feelings; he just wants everyone to be secure.

Nikolas opens the door but then decides to talk with Lisa outside which gives Helena and the lab tech a chance to flee unseen. Turns out Lisa helped Nikolas with something, but it seems unclear what exactly she helped with and if she knew exactly what she was doing. Before we find out, Steven interrupts and asks if Elizabeth is still at the hospital. Nikolas tells her that Robin took her back to Shadybrook. He goes and asks Epiphany how things went with Elizabeth and she assures him that everything went well. He leaves to go visit Elizabeth. What Lisa did: She sent the test results to an independent lab because Nikolas was worried about Helena.

Claire comes into the PCPD and approaches Dante. They banter and she warns him that he should probably leave.

Maxie massages Spinelli's ego and he buys it. Johnny sees someone (Lucky) in a Bill Clinton mask.

Carly comes to Jason's for help. Surprise, surprise. She tells Jax about the fight but more importantly what she found in the proofs: Franco's picture.

-end

March 3, 2010

Day three of unemployment. I actually applied for unemployment today. Fun! I'm just going slightly mad.

Also mad? Elizabeth, standing at her window when Lucky comes in. She wants to peel her skin off which is totally gross. Oh...she meant that metaphorically? Lucky thinks she's having second thoughts about the paternity test. She isn't but there is something she needs from Lucky. She doesn't want him to be at the hospital when she gets the test.

Robin has brought over a giant cupcake for Sonny. It would have said, "Congratulations, you've beaten the system again" in icing, but there wasn't enough room. He's touched that she's checking up on him. He says he's doing ok and has to deal with the fact that he shot his own son. She wonders if he can. He infers there's something she wants to tell him. She is, in fact, having trouble dealing with the fact that he shot an unarmed man; a cop. Everyone knows this, yet no one can get a conviction out of it? What happened to CSI? She thinks she knows the real Sonny underneath the mobster facade. But really? It's not a facade. And has anyone noticed the word mobster is so close to the word monster? I wonder if there's some cool etymology there.

Dante wakes up the next day. Lulu slept on a chair. He hates that he fell asleep before the sex but says he's well rested now. Is is a bit crass to talk about morning wood in a recap?

Lucky is pissed that Crazy called him all the way over there to tell him not to come to the test. Seriously, that was a phone conversation at best. She explains that it's a simple test and she doesn't need anyone hovering. Lucky just wants to support her but she says she should support herself. He agrees but hopes she's not punishing herself.

Sonny tries to justify his shooting of Dante even though he says he's not trying to justify it. Robin doesn't get it, so Sonny tries to explain how Dante worked his way in and worked for his organization and that there are rules....which he's made up. He says despite all that, he still had trouble pulling the trigger. It seemed pretty easy from where I sat. Robin says that this is the part of Sonny's life he pretends doesn't exist: The whole "rules" thing where Sonny is God. He tells her he's willing to be apart from her if it will cool things with Patrick. She seems a bit offended by that.

Ethan fights with a plant at the Haunted Star. Johnny comes by to ask him out again. Ethan plays coy again but Johnny sweetens the deal. He wants to burn Bernie's office. Ethan doesn't get how brazen Johnny is being but is still willing to listen. All Ethan has to do is sweet talk some chick who is running Bernie's office and take her out for coffee. Won't that make Johnny jealous? Ethan wants to know how much he'll be getting and Johnny tells him it could be up to $50,000 a piece.

I guess they didn't have morning sex, because Lulu is fully clothed and coming back from getting coffee. Unless that's just something she does post-coital. The way Dante takes the coffee, you can tell there is no liquid inside. Dante wants to make up for the previous night but Lulu understands that he was exhausted. They make out, anyway. Something will interrupt them. And...there's a knock at the door. It's Olivia.

Dante yells at his mom to go away but she threatens to get the keys from Mike. He finally opens the door and she has...a pot roast? Probably Lasagna. She's happy Lulu is with Dante but thinks it might be too soon for sex. Dante stops her before she can reach the S word because...awkward! Lulu says it anyway because she has no boundaries.

Keifer and Kristina are meeting at Kelly's. He's happy they're back together and keeps saying gross stalkerish things. He wants to take her clubbing after his basketball practice. She doesn't think that's a good idea but he insists because he's gross and disgusting. He tells her to, "wear something hot for a change." Hee. And eww. But mostly hee!

Nikolas comes to Crazy's room. She wanted to see him and Lucky separately. They had appointments? He tells Nikolas the same thing she told Lucky. He agrees and says he'll talk to her afterwards. She says she'll talk to both of them when she knows what she wants to do.

Lucky is at the Haunted Star telling Luke about the paternity test. Luke wants to know, "what if the kid is yours?"

Lulu leaves because she agrees with Olivia that he needs rest. Dante thanks her for the casserole(!) and takes Lulu outside. They talk about pain and blue balls and recovery. Dante goes back inside. Olivia just wanted to bring him a home cooked meal and stop him from having sex. Dante takes a while to get to the point but finally tells her that he doesn't trust her. Olivia is hurt.

Kristina gets all feminist empowered as she tells Keifer that the only person she has to impress with the way she dresses is her. Not if you want to get into a decent club, sugar. He takes this to mean she hasn't forgiven him but she says that he doesn't get to dictate what she wears. Keifer sees Sonny walking in and thinks he should go. Kristina tells him not to but when Sonny approaches the table, he looks at Keifer and says, "Leave." Hee. It's really the only time I like Sonny. Kristina tells her dad that he's the one who isn't invited and tells him to go.

Lucky says the baby isn't going to be his. Luke tells Lucky to at least prepare for the worst. He's worried that if the baby is his, Lucky will get back together with Elizabeth. Lucky is the one who says it, but Luke confirms it. Lucky makes it clear that that won't happen. It's actually a really honest speech about how he and Elizabeth are poison for each other and that he explained all of it to her.

Robin comes by Crazy's room and offers her a ride to the hospital which Crazy accepts. Crazy is worried that she's not as strong a person as she used to be. Ya think? Robin thinks that taking the paternity test is a good first step.

Cut to Helena paying off a lab tech which I don't really get. I mean if her goal is just to get anyone to be a Cassadine heir, wouldn't Spencer do? I know she said Courtney was a trashy stripper but if this kid isn't even related to a Cassadine, why would she want to treat him as such? It seems that blood matters to her from past conversations that she's had. Ah well. If it gets Helena on my screen, I'll endure plot holes.

Sonny doesn't like Kristina's attitude and gets all dad about it telling her that she needs to respect him as her dad. Kristina, for some reason, apologizes and asks him to sit down.

Olivia meets Johnny outside Kelly's. She tells him about her visit with Dante. She wants to hang but he has stuff to do that he can't tell her. She won't stop him but kisses him to show him what he "stands to lose" if things don't go the way he wants. Didn't this scene happen yesterday with Carly and Jax? I don't know if it insults women more that they have to use sex to get their way or men more because they can't resist it. Either way, it's kind of disgusting.

Sonny and Kristina discuss the trial and Alexis being involved. He says that Alexis wants him to continue to be in Kristina's life and Kristina snits that he's sixteen years too late. Sonny can't take it anymore so he leaves but not before telling Kristina that he'll always be in her life. She tells Keifer that sometimes she hates her dad.

Dante looks for Lulu at the Haunted Star. Luke hasn't seen her. Lucky invites Dante to stay to discuss the PCPD. Luke excuses himself saying, "If you gentleman will excuse me, I'm gonna pass on the bonding of the boys in blue. I've got a box of cigars in my office waiting to get smoked." That's what she said! Lucky says to excuse Luke and that he probably approves of Dante on some level. Dante wants to know how Lucky feels about working with Sonny Corinthos' son.

Robin asks Elizabeth what she really wants. Elizabeth's ideal is a family under one roof. She tells Robin that Nikolas wants to marry her but says she can't do it. She knows what she needs is to be alone but doesn't know if she can do that either.

Lisa hands over Nikolas' DNA sample to Epiphany who turns it over to the blackmailed lab technician while Helena watches.

Kiefer says he has to go to basketball practice and asks Kristina if she's going clubbing with him later. She snarks, "if I can find something appropriate to wear." Ethan walks in at that moment with the girl who is presumably Bernie's assistant. She looks like she just stepped out of a playboy... except with clothes. Keifer is happy about this turn of events and leaves. Kristina jealously watches Ethan charm the playboy bunny.

Sonny has called Patrick over to thank him for saving Dante's life. Patrick finally confesses that he's known about Dante for a year now, also pinning Kate under the truck. Don't know if Kate will ever be able to defend herself, though, since we haven't seen her in ages. Sonny tells Patrick that Dante wouldn't have been shot if he'd told. And it's really gotten quite comical how Sonny blames every single person in the world for his actions. Patrick has the best response: "Dante wouldn't have been shot if you hadn't pulled the trigger." Freaking. Awesome. But there are rules, Patrick, RULES!

Sonny and Patrick continue to discuss the rules of life and morality and mistakes and mob life. Sonny says Patrick will never understand his life. I think he almost accepts reality when he says, "I screwed up!" but then he quickly lets me down as always by saying "because of people like you." Always blaming others. And then he seemingly threatens Patrick.

Ethan flirts more while Kristina sexes herself up and approaches the table. Ethan introduces Kristina to "Jennifer" but Kristina wants to talk about their next poker lesson. Ethan excuses himself to talk to Kristina in private. He kinda purposefully acts like a dick and reiterates to Kristina that she's too young for him and that they won't be seeing each other again. Kristina blames Sam and Ethan goes back to his date.

Johnny cuts the electricity to Bernie's place wearing a Bill Clinton mask. Heh.

Lucky reassures Dante by telling him that he too has a dad who works for the other side of the law. Dante asks Lucky what he does if he's on a case and evidence leads to Luke. Lucky tells him that he cites conflict of interest and takes himself off the case. Dante says he won't do that. He wants Sonny and his organization gone. Lucky gets a call from the PCPD about a possible break-in and goes off to investigate.

Alexis comes to Wyndemere with a notary for Nikolas. She asks the notary for a moment alone with Nikolas first. She tells him that it's premature to set up a trust for a baby that may not be his. He has a good feeling the baby is his.

Kelly, Lisa and Epiphany discuss the paternity test. Robin arrives with Elizabeth. Kelly takes her down. Lisa's lack of knowledge makes her think that if Nikolas is the father everything will turn out OK. Helena watches on with ominous music. I wonder if she just carries around a tape-recorder with that music on it.

Music montage! Nikolas broods. Elizabeth gets ready in the exam room. Lucky holds a gun at Johnny. Johnny runs. Nikolas is handed the trust. Liz sits up on the exam table. Lucky runs after Johnny. Nikolas is handed a pen. Kelly comes into the exam room. Johnny runs into an open window. Lucky follows. Nik signs the trust. Liz lies back. Lucky has trouble running up some stairs. The notary notarizes. Kelly gets the shot ready. Lucky continues to chase Johnny. Someone puts a fingerprint on something. Elizabeth waits. Nikolas broods more. Johnny makes it to the roof. Lucky makes it to the roof. A shot is fired. It seems to come from Johnny's gun. Elizabeth winces. And scene!

-end